Rather than buying expensive infant development toys, use common household items, like pots, pans, spoons, brightly colored objects and various textures, to enhance infant development.
received from- mok hui yin
Monday, April 19, 2010
Child Care& Development: Infant Development Toys
Playing with 7 month-old baby
Playing with a 7-month-old baby includes stacking toys and blocks that allow a child to build and interact. Play with a baby during the first formative months with tips from a licensed psychotherapist in this free video on child development.
received from- mok hui yin
Gifted Children Behavior
By Dr.Linda Karges-Bone
B.S. in Special and Elementary Education from the College of Charleston (1981), M.Ed. in Special Education, certification in Early Childhood Education (1983), Ed.D. in Curriculum and Instruction at the University of South Carolina at Columbia (1994).
Posted by Eric Ong Chee Hoe, T3
Are Gifted Children Born or Made?
Debates still go on about this topic, however, both nature and nurture factor should be accounted for in developing a child's potential to it's fullest. I think, without natural talent a person can go only so far with all training available, Isaac Newton would probably just take and eat the apple that fell on his head instead of discovering the Law of Gravity and natural talent without proper stimuli's leave less chance for developing it's potential, a lot of parents send their prodigy child to higher level of learning institution,but they are still young, what about parental guidance? Booze and stress are abundant.
Posted by Eric Ong Chee Hoe, T3
Child Prodigies
Taken from The Star Online.
According to Dr David Henry Feldman, “a child prodigy is a child younger than 10 years old who can perform at the level of a highly trained adult in a very demanding field of endeavor.” They are like little Mozarts and Einsteins that act like little innocent kids but can beat you at your game so bad, you have to call them sifu (if he's a prodigy at your field).
They mostly strive in the field of music, maths and even chess but not so in the form of business, law, dance and writing.
According to author Alissa Quart, prodigies are found more in quantitative fields like maths, and less in qualitative disciplines,where it are hard to measure. Also, contrary to beliefs, high IQ is not correlated to being a prodigy. According to Australian educational specialist for gifted children, many creative children don't do well in standardized exams. Ellen Winner, a psychology professor and a book author on gifted children, says parents play a vital role in providing stimulating environments for their child to grow and they themselves are often related in the same field as their prodigy child , Pablo Picasso's father was an artist, Mozart's dad was a musician.
Author Quart states that the overly pressured children can lead to emotional and mental problems like anxiety and low self esteem. Brandenn Bremmer who entered college at age 10, committed suicide by shooting himself in the head in 2005 at the age of 14. He said in an interview with Quart: “America is a society that demands perfection.” Some gifted youngsters couldn't cope while others have breakdowns due to self-image problems when they fail to achieve, according to Alan Goldberg, an US sports psychology consultant.
Psychologist Lewis Terman studied 1,500 indicated child prodigies throughout their lives in a 1921 study on intelligence. He found that being gifted in early life is not a guarantee for success in life, many them didn't make it when they reached adulthood. Dr Feldman explains that this is because prodigies specialize in one certain area,not overall. The focus in developing one area leads to neglecting other areas. In the early 20th century, Erwin Nyiregyhazi, a piano prodigy, couldn't even tie his own shoes at the age of 21.
Contrary to the earlier study, Terman’s studies showed that many of his subjects made huge contribution to humanity. Examples: Physicist Isaac Newton, double Nobel Prize winner Marie Curie, composer Felix Mendelssohn, and violin genius and conductor Yehudi Menuhin.
Child prodigies who failed to meet expectations, make the news, but those who live quietly and successfully hardly draw any attention ironically. Also, interestingly not all child start as prodigies but end up changing the world, Charles Darwin and Albert Einstein are just two of other blokes who made themselves into brilliant scientists. No body knew they existed in the beginning.
Look at this dude,
(oh they make mistakes too hehe, this is the only time when we get to laugh at them,just kidding of course)
Check out more examples of people you might be awed or envied at
http://www.oddee.com/item_96629.aspx
Reference
S.S.Yoga. (2008). Child prodigy : two sides of genius. Retrieved March 18,2010 from http://thestar.com.my/lifestyle/story.asp?file=/2008/4/14/lifefocus/20902655&sec=lifefocus
Posted by Eric Ong Chee Hoe, T3
According to Dr David Henry Feldman, “a child prodigy is a child younger than 10 years old who can perform at the level of a highly trained adult in a very demanding field of endeavor.” They are like little Mozarts and Einsteins that act like little innocent kids but can beat you at your game so bad, you have to call them sifu (if he's a prodigy at your field).
They mostly strive in the field of music, maths and even chess but not so in the form of business, law, dance and writing.
According to author Alissa Quart, prodigies are found more in quantitative fields like maths, and less in qualitative disciplines,where it are hard to measure. Also, contrary to beliefs, high IQ is not correlated to being a prodigy. According to Australian educational specialist for gifted children, many creative children don't do well in standardized exams. Ellen Winner, a psychology professor and a book author on gifted children, says parents play a vital role in providing stimulating environments for their child to grow and they themselves are often related in the same field as their prodigy child , Pablo Picasso's father was an artist, Mozart's dad was a musician.
Author Quart states that the overly pressured children can lead to emotional and mental problems like anxiety and low self esteem. Brandenn Bremmer who entered college at age 10, committed suicide by shooting himself in the head in 2005 at the age of 14. He said in an interview with Quart: “America is a society that demands perfection.” Some gifted youngsters couldn't cope while others have breakdowns due to self-image problems when they fail to achieve, according to Alan Goldberg, an US sports psychology consultant.
Psychologist Lewis Terman studied 1,500 indicated child prodigies throughout their lives in a 1921 study on intelligence. He found that being gifted in early life is not a guarantee for success in life, many them didn't make it when they reached adulthood. Dr Feldman explains that this is because prodigies specialize in one certain area,not overall. The focus in developing one area leads to neglecting other areas. In the early 20th century, Erwin Nyiregyhazi, a piano prodigy, couldn't even tie his own shoes at the age of 21.
Contrary to the earlier study, Terman’s studies showed that many of his subjects made huge contribution to humanity. Examples: Physicist Isaac Newton, double Nobel Prize winner Marie Curie, composer Felix Mendelssohn, and violin genius and conductor Yehudi Menuhin.
Child prodigies who failed to meet expectations, make the news, but those who live quietly and successfully hardly draw any attention ironically. Also, interestingly not all child start as prodigies but end up changing the world, Charles Darwin and Albert Einstein are just two of other blokes who made themselves into brilliant scientists. No body knew they existed in the beginning.
Look at this dude,
(oh they make mistakes too hehe, this is the only time when we get to laugh at them,just kidding of course)
Check out more examples of people you might be awed or envied at
http://www.oddee.com/item_96629.aspx
Reference
S.S.Yoga. (2008). Child prodigy : two sides of genius. Retrieved March 18,2010 from http://thestar.com.my/lifestyle/story.asp?file=/2008/4/14/lifefocus/20902655&sec=lifefocus
Posted by Eric Ong Chee Hoe, T3
Down Syndrome
Down Syndrome is a chromosomal abnormality and probably the most common genetic condition, occurs in approximately one in every eight hundred to one thousand live births or accounts for approximately 5-6 per cent of intellectual retardation. Although, most students with Down's Syndrome are between the mild to moderate range of mental retardation.
Initially, Down's Syndrome was given the label of Mongolism due to the physical characteristics of the disorder. A student with Down's Syndrome is usually quite recognizable due to characteristics like a smaller overall stature, flat facial profile, thick epicanthal folds in the corners of their eyes, protruding tongues which is due to their smaller oral cavity and muscle hypotonia - low muscle tone.
Best Practices
• Inclusion: Students with special needs should be full members of age appropriate inclusional classes to the extent they can be. Effective inclusion means that the teacher must be fully supportive of the model. The strategies you use to reach and teach the Down's student will often be beneficial to many learners in the classroom. See the inclusional checklist Inclusion is a good practice for students with Down's Syndrome. Theinclusional environment is less likely to stigmatize and provide a much more natural environment for the students. There are more opportunities for peer relationships to occur and much of the research states that full integration works better.
• Self-Esteem: The physical characteristics of a Down's student will often result in a lowered self-esteem which means you will need to take every opportunity to boost self confidenceand instill pride through a variety of strategies.
• Intellectual: Down's students usually face many intellectual challenges. Strategies that work for mildly retarded students and or students with significant learning disabilities will also work with Down's students. Much literature have stated that most individuals with Down syndrome do not progress beyond the intellectual capabilities of a normal developing six to eight year old (Kliewer 1993). However, always strive to move the child progressively along the learning continuum, never assume the child isn't capable. Solid intervention and high quality instruction have been proven to lead to improved academic achievement for Down's students. Use a multi-modal approach which works best for all students. Use as many concrete materials and real world authentic situations as is possible. Use language appropriate for student understanding and speak slowly when necessary. Always break tasks into smaller steps and provide instruction for each step. Remember, a student with Down's Syndrome will usually have a good short term memory.
• Short attention spans are also prevalent among students with Down's. Direct instruction in short periods of time along with smaller chunks of activities will help to support learning. Introducing new material slowly, sequentially and in a step by step fashion will help to ensure maximum learning occurs.
• Distractibility: Down's students are ofen easily distracted. You'll need to employ strategies that work to minimize distractions such as keeping the student away from the window, using a slightly more structured environment, keeping the noise level down and having an orderly classroom where students are free from surprises and know what your expectations, routines and rules are.
• Speech and Language: Down's students all suffer from serious problems such as hearing difficulties and articulation problems. Sometimes they will require speech/language intervention and a great deal of direct instruction. In some cases,augmentative or facilitated communication will be a good alternative for communication. Use patience and model appropriate interactions at all times.
• Behavior Management Techniques used for other students should not differ for the student with Down's Syndrome. Again, positive reinforcement is a much better method than anything punitive. Reinforcers need to be meaningful.
Todays classroom has many special needs students, and the inclusional model is often the best model and one supported by research. The inclusive classrooms lets all students learn what it means to be a full member of a school community. Treat all students as valued learners. Although many teachers don't have experience with Down's Syndrome, they have been teaching these students very well for a long time.
Posted by Lim Sin Loong,T3
Initially, Down's Syndrome was given the label of Mongolism due to the physical characteristics of the disorder. A student with Down's Syndrome is usually quite recognizable due to characteristics like a smaller overall stature, flat facial profile, thick epicanthal folds in the corners of their eyes, protruding tongues which is due to their smaller oral cavity and muscle hypotonia - low muscle tone.
Best Practices
• Inclusion: Students with special needs should be full members of age appropriate inclusional classes to the extent they can be. Effective inclusion means that the teacher must be fully supportive of the model. The strategies you use to reach and teach the Down's student will often be beneficial to many learners in the classroom. See the inclusional checklist Inclusion is a good practice for students with Down's Syndrome. Theinclusional environment is less likely to stigmatize and provide a much more natural environment for the students. There are more opportunities for peer relationships to occur and much of the research states that full integration works better.
• Self-Esteem: The physical characteristics of a Down's student will often result in a lowered self-esteem which means you will need to take every opportunity to boost self confidenceand instill pride through a variety of strategies.
• Intellectual: Down's students usually face many intellectual challenges. Strategies that work for mildly retarded students and or students with significant learning disabilities will also work with Down's students. Much literature have stated that most individuals with Down syndrome do not progress beyond the intellectual capabilities of a normal developing six to eight year old (Kliewer 1993). However, always strive to move the child progressively along the learning continuum, never assume the child isn't capable. Solid intervention and high quality instruction have been proven to lead to improved academic achievement for Down's students. Use a multi-modal approach which works best for all students. Use as many concrete materials and real world authentic situations as is possible. Use language appropriate for student understanding and speak slowly when necessary. Always break tasks into smaller steps and provide instruction for each step. Remember, a student with Down's Syndrome will usually have a good short term memory.
• Short attention spans are also prevalent among students with Down's. Direct instruction in short periods of time along with smaller chunks of activities will help to support learning. Introducing new material slowly, sequentially and in a step by step fashion will help to ensure maximum learning occurs.
• Distractibility: Down's students are ofen easily distracted. You'll need to employ strategies that work to minimize distractions such as keeping the student away from the window, using a slightly more structured environment, keeping the noise level down and having an orderly classroom where students are free from surprises and know what your expectations, routines and rules are.
• Speech and Language: Down's students all suffer from serious problems such as hearing difficulties and articulation problems. Sometimes they will require speech/language intervention and a great deal of direct instruction. In some cases,augmentative or facilitated communication will be a good alternative for communication. Use patience and model appropriate interactions at all times.
• Behavior Management Techniques used for other students should not differ for the student with Down's Syndrome. Again, positive reinforcement is a much better method than anything punitive. Reinforcers need to be meaningful.
Todays classroom has many special needs students, and the inclusional model is often the best model and one supported by research. The inclusive classrooms lets all students learn what it means to be a full member of a school community. Treat all students as valued learners. Although many teachers don't have experience with Down's Syndrome, they have been teaching these students very well for a long time.
Posted by Lim Sin Loong,T3
Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) in Children
Childhood ADHD -- attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder -- is diagnosed after a child has shown six or more specific symptoms of inactivity and/or hyperactivity on a regular basis for more than six months in more than two settings. There is no single test for ADHD.
A doctor can diagnose ADHD with the help of standard guidelines. The diagnosis of ADHD involves the gathering of information from several sources, including school, caregivers, and parents. The doctor will consider how a child's behavior compares with that of other children the same age.
ADHD in Children
Symptoms of Childhood ADHD
Children with ADHD show signs of inattention, hyperactivity, and/or impulsivity in specific ways. These children:
• Are in constant motion.
• Squirm and fidget.
• Do not seem to listen.
• Have difficulty playing quietly.
• Often talk excessively.
• Interrupt or intrude on others.
• Are easily distracted.
• Do not finish tasks.
Some behaviors can appear to be ADHD-related, but are not. Some causes of ADHD-like behavior are:
• A sudden life change (such as divorce, a death in the family, or moving).
• Undetected seizures.
• Medical disorders affecting brain function.
• Anxiety.
• Depression.
How Is ADHD Diagnosed?
Your child's primary care doctor can determine whether your child has ADHD using standard guidelines developed by the American Academy of Pediatrics. These diagnosis guidelines are for children 6 to 12 years of age.
Know that it is very difficult to diagnose ADHD in children younger than 5 years of age. That's because many preschool children have some ADHD symptoms in various situations. In addition, children change very rapidly during the preschool years. It is also difficult to diagnose ADHD once a child becomes a teenager.
The process of diagnosing ADHD requires several steps and involves gathering a lot of information from multiple sources. You, your child, your child's school, and other caregivers should be involved in assessing your child's behavior.
A physician can conduct a medical history to help put a child's behavior in context. They will ask what symptoms a child is showing, how long the symptoms have occurred, and how the behavior affects a child and his/her family.
Types of ADHD in Children
Doctors may classify symptoms as the following types of ADHD:
• Combined Type (Inattentive/Hyperactive/Impulsive). Children with this type of ADHD show all three symptoms. This is the most common form of ADHD.
• Hyperactive/Impulsive Type. Children show both hyperactive and impulsive behavior, but are able to pay attention.
• Inattentive Type. Formerly known as attention deficit disorder (ADD), these children are not overly active. They do not disrupt the classroom or other activities, so their symptoms might not be noticed.
ADHD Treatment Overview
Education of the child and family is an essential component of any treatment plan, which may encompass special education programs, psychological intervention, and drug treatment. Be sure to discuss all options with your child's health care provider to find the best treatment for him or her.
Studies show that long-term treatment with a combination of medications andbehavioral therapy is far superior to just medication treatment, or no specific treatments in managing hyperactivity, impulsivity, inattention, and symptoms of anxiety and depression. Those kids treated with both ADHD drugs and therapy also had better social skills.
Drugs for Childhood ADHD
A class of drugs called psychostimulants or stimulants for short is a highly effective treatment for childhood ADHD. These medicines, including Ritalin, Concerta, and Adderall XR, help children to focus their thoughts and ignore distractions. Stimulant medications are effective in 70% to 80% of patients.
Another treatment used to treat ADHD in kids is the nonstimulant medication, Strattera. More studies will need to be done to contrast Strattera with the medications already available, but the evidence to date indicates that over 70% of children with ADHD given Strattera have significant improvement in their symptoms.
ADHD medicines are available in short-acting (immediate-release), intermediate-acting, and long-acting forms. It may take some time for a physician to find the best medication, dosage, and schedule for an individual with ADHD. ADHD drugs sometimes have side effects, but these tend to happen early in treatment. Usually, side effects are mild and short-lived.
Behavioral Treatments for Children With ADHD
Behavioral treatment for children with ADHD involves adjusting the environment to promote more successful social interactions. Such adjustments include creating more structure, encouraging routines, and clearly stating expectations of the child with ADHD.
Other forms of ADHD treatment that may benefit the child include:
• Social skills training. This can help a child with ADHD learn behaviors that will help them develop and maintain social relationships.
• Support groups and parenting skills training. Education and support for the parents can be an integral part of treating ADHD in children.
What Treatment Is Best for My Child?
For children with ADHD, no single treatment is the answer for every child. A child may have undesirable side effects to a medication, making a particular treatment unacceptable. If a child with ADHD also has anxiety or depression, a treatment combining medication and behavioral therapy might be best. Each child's needs and personal history must be carefully considered. It is important to work with a physician to find the best solution for your child.
The ADHD Coach?
Coaching is a relatively new field in the treatment of ADHD in children. ADHD coaches are meant to help children achieve better results in different areas of their lives.
Posted by Lim Sin Loong, T3
A doctor can diagnose ADHD with the help of standard guidelines. The diagnosis of ADHD involves the gathering of information from several sources, including school, caregivers, and parents. The doctor will consider how a child's behavior compares with that of other children the same age.
ADHD in Children
Symptoms of Childhood ADHD
Children with ADHD show signs of inattention, hyperactivity, and/or impulsivity in specific ways. These children:
• Are in constant motion.
• Squirm and fidget.
• Do not seem to listen.
• Have difficulty playing quietly.
• Often talk excessively.
• Interrupt or intrude on others.
• Are easily distracted.
• Do not finish tasks.
Some behaviors can appear to be ADHD-related, but are not. Some causes of ADHD-like behavior are:
• A sudden life change (such as divorce, a death in the family, or moving).
• Undetected seizures.
• Medical disorders affecting brain function.
• Anxiety.
• Depression.
How Is ADHD Diagnosed?
Your child's primary care doctor can determine whether your child has ADHD using standard guidelines developed by the American Academy of Pediatrics. These diagnosis guidelines are for children 6 to 12 years of age.
Know that it is very difficult to diagnose ADHD in children younger than 5 years of age. That's because many preschool children have some ADHD symptoms in various situations. In addition, children change very rapidly during the preschool years. It is also difficult to diagnose ADHD once a child becomes a teenager.
The process of diagnosing ADHD requires several steps and involves gathering a lot of information from multiple sources. You, your child, your child's school, and other caregivers should be involved in assessing your child's behavior.
A physician can conduct a medical history to help put a child's behavior in context. They will ask what symptoms a child is showing, how long the symptoms have occurred, and how the behavior affects a child and his/her family.
Types of ADHD in Children
Doctors may classify symptoms as the following types of ADHD:
• Combined Type (Inattentive/Hyperactive/Impulsive). Children with this type of ADHD show all three symptoms. This is the most common form of ADHD.
• Hyperactive/Impulsive Type. Children show both hyperactive and impulsive behavior, but are able to pay attention.
• Inattentive Type. Formerly known as attention deficit disorder (ADD), these children are not overly active. They do not disrupt the classroom or other activities, so their symptoms might not be noticed.
ADHD Treatment Overview
Education of the child and family is an essential component of any treatment plan, which may encompass special education programs, psychological intervention, and drug treatment. Be sure to discuss all options with your child's health care provider to find the best treatment for him or her.
Studies show that long-term treatment with a combination of medications andbehavioral therapy is far superior to just medication treatment, or no specific treatments in managing hyperactivity, impulsivity, inattention, and symptoms of anxiety and depression. Those kids treated with both ADHD drugs and therapy also had better social skills.
Drugs for Childhood ADHD
A class of drugs called psychostimulants or stimulants for short is a highly effective treatment for childhood ADHD. These medicines, including Ritalin, Concerta, and Adderall XR, help children to focus their thoughts and ignore distractions. Stimulant medications are effective in 70% to 80% of patients.
Another treatment used to treat ADHD in kids is the nonstimulant medication, Strattera. More studies will need to be done to contrast Strattera with the medications already available, but the evidence to date indicates that over 70% of children with ADHD given Strattera have significant improvement in their symptoms.
ADHD medicines are available in short-acting (immediate-release), intermediate-acting, and long-acting forms. It may take some time for a physician to find the best medication, dosage, and schedule for an individual with ADHD. ADHD drugs sometimes have side effects, but these tend to happen early in treatment. Usually, side effects are mild and short-lived.
Behavioral Treatments for Children With ADHD
Behavioral treatment for children with ADHD involves adjusting the environment to promote more successful social interactions. Such adjustments include creating more structure, encouraging routines, and clearly stating expectations of the child with ADHD.
Other forms of ADHD treatment that may benefit the child include:
• Social skills training. This can help a child with ADHD learn behaviors that will help them develop and maintain social relationships.
• Support groups and parenting skills training. Education and support for the parents can be an integral part of treating ADHD in children.
What Treatment Is Best for My Child?
For children with ADHD, no single treatment is the answer for every child. A child may have undesirable side effects to a medication, making a particular treatment unacceptable. If a child with ADHD also has anxiety or depression, a treatment combining medication and behavioral therapy might be best. Each child's needs and personal history must be carefully considered. It is important to work with a physician to find the best solution for your child.
The ADHD Coach?
Coaching is a relatively new field in the treatment of ADHD in children. ADHD coaches are meant to help children achieve better results in different areas of their lives.
Posted by Lim Sin Loong, T3
Middle Child Syndrome
Middle child syndrome, from the name it is quite obvious that it is a syndrome that generally affects the middle child. Instead of getting into the details of it here, you rather check in to the article and learn all about it.
Remember Stephanie Tanner from the hit SitCom "Full House"? Remember her several issues with "always being in between!" Well, that is a glimpse (a very tiny glimpse) of middle child syndrome for you. Without a doubt, in reality the syndrome can get much worse. So, how does a parent know that their little angel is suffering from a syndrome simply because of the birth order? A lot of questions that need answering, let's take them one at a time.
Middle Child Syndrome Characteristics
What is middle child syndrome? Let's understand the basic concept of middle child syndrome. What does the term entail? What are the middle child syndrome symptoms?
Yes, not all is bad about the middle child syndrome. However, it is very important to make sure that it is avoided as far as possible. The positive characteristics of middle child syndrome can be seen in a middle child even if he is not suffering from MDS.
The Effects of Middle Child Syndrome
Now, before you go around thinking that every middle child has middle child syndrome, let me tell you that it is not true. Many children don't experience it, because as a part of their nature they are more accepting to different situations. However, in case a child is a victim of middle child syndrome, these are the effects that it would have on the general psyche of the child. Instead of going about in the normal point form, here are a few scenarios to help you understand middle child syndrome psychology better.
Middle Child Syndrome: Case 1
Jeremy was the middle child in the family. He had an older brother and a younger sister. He loved both his siblings dearly. He adored his parents as well. But, that was when everything was normal. However, he was not the school quarter back, his brother was. In fact, Jeremy was not interested in sports at all. He loved reading and had a flair for language. But, this parents were used to his older brother Dave, being out for practices and dates with the cheerleaders and expected the same from him. They often told him that he should participate in sports and didn't understand how he could not be interested in them. This made him resent sports even more. Whenever his parents went out, he was responsible to babysit his sister Kiera. He did not mind it in the start, but when it became a regular affair, he started vent his frustration on his sister. This created a further rift in the siblings and eventually, Jeremy was left with a feeling of being left out!
Middle Child Syndrome: Case 2
Rachel, Smith and Annabelle were siblings. Smith was the middle child. He loved his sisters and loved spending time with them. However, he often felt left out because they were girls and he was a boy. Due to such proximity with girls, Smith was very used to playing with dolls rather than cars. But, he could never let anyone know that for the fear of being ragged. His parents never really treated the three siblings differently. But due to the Middle Child Syndrome he found himself frustrated with the concept of always having to be dropped and picked up to and from school by his super hot older sister. He lost his confidence and found himself and his family giving more importance to Annabelle's teenage issues than his.
Middle Child Syndrome: Case 3
David, Jonathan and Andrew are brothers. They are adults now and Jonathan is the middle child. Jonathan has had middle child syndrome and is suffering from middle child syndrome in adulthood. As a normal victim of middle child syndrome in adults Jonathan has grown up a little distant from his brothers. Jonathan met his girlfriend in David's wedding. But, in his engagement party, he did not expect Andrew to also meet the love of his life. Jonathan felt that Andrew did it on purpose and lost all the interest in the day. Jonathan always felt that he had to try harder to get noticed. This affected his love life as well. He always thinks that he cannot ever be good enough for his parents, and pushes his fiancee in the same direction. To prove his worth, Jonathan hosts the family dinners on a weekly basis, and gets deeply hurt when someone does not show up.
As all the cases above have shown, middle child syndrome is just the child's mind over reacting and wrongly perceiving actions of the family. This makes them lose confidence and get more insecure. Read more on family relationships.
How to Prevent Middle Child Syndrome
Middle child syndrome can have a lot of negative impacts on the mindset and the lifestyle, as well as the relationships of the child. Treating can get a little tough once it goes to an extreme stage, as always, prevention is better than cure. Here are ways you can prevent middle child syndrome.
This is a very sensitive topic and any mistakes on this front could probably affect your child's life in a negative way. Beat the poison of middle child syndrome with the elixir of love, affection and understanding. This is where I sign off!! All the best!!
Remember Stephanie Tanner from the hit SitCom "Full House"? Remember her several issues with "always being in between!" Well, that is a glimpse (a very tiny glimpse) of middle child syndrome for you. Without a doubt, in reality the syndrome can get much worse. So, how does a parent know that their little angel is suffering from a syndrome simply because of the birth order? A lot of questions that need answering, let's take them one at a time.
Middle Child Syndrome Characteristics
What is middle child syndrome? Let's understand the basic concept of middle child syndrome. What does the term entail? What are the middle child syndrome symptoms?
- The first being that this child will neither be the oldest out of the siblings, nor the youngest. He will be in between.
- The child will not be a leader of sorts. He will prefer to follow the trends.
- The child will lack a specific focus, or drive.
- He will have very very few friends. Mingling with people won't come very easily to him.
- Relationships won't really be his forte. In fact he will try to shy away from it as far as possible. If he does get into one, it will not last long due to his lack of interest.
- He will be fairly shy. He will try to go unnoticed and stay out of the radar. Nonetheless, he will do enough to keep the ball rolling.
- He will be quite artistic and creative.
- If given direction, and a little egging, he can achieve well in the field of art and literature.
- He will hate doing monotonous work. Things should have a certain degree of novelty to catch his interest.
- He will not be able to perform under pressure, at all!!
Yes, not all is bad about the middle child syndrome. However, it is very important to make sure that it is avoided as far as possible. The positive characteristics of middle child syndrome can be seen in a middle child even if he is not suffering from MDS.
The Effects of Middle Child Syndrome
Now, before you go around thinking that every middle child has middle child syndrome, let me tell you that it is not true. Many children don't experience it, because as a part of their nature they are more accepting to different situations. However, in case a child is a victim of middle child syndrome, these are the effects that it would have on the general psyche of the child. Instead of going about in the normal point form, here are a few scenarios to help you understand middle child syndrome psychology better.
Middle Child Syndrome: Case 1
Jeremy was the middle child in the family. He had an older brother and a younger sister. He loved both his siblings dearly. He adored his parents as well. But, that was when everything was normal. However, he was not the school quarter back, his brother was. In fact, Jeremy was not interested in sports at all. He loved reading and had a flair for language. But, this parents were used to his older brother Dave, being out for practices and dates with the cheerleaders and expected the same from him. They often told him that he should participate in sports and didn't understand how he could not be interested in them. This made him resent sports even more. Whenever his parents went out, he was responsible to babysit his sister Kiera. He did not mind it in the start, but when it became a regular affair, he started vent his frustration on his sister. This created a further rift in the siblings and eventually, Jeremy was left with a feeling of being left out!
Middle Child Syndrome: Case 2
Rachel, Smith and Annabelle were siblings. Smith was the middle child. He loved his sisters and loved spending time with them. However, he often felt left out because they were girls and he was a boy. Due to such proximity with girls, Smith was very used to playing with dolls rather than cars. But, he could never let anyone know that for the fear of being ragged. His parents never really treated the three siblings differently. But due to the Middle Child Syndrome he found himself frustrated with the concept of always having to be dropped and picked up to and from school by his super hot older sister. He lost his confidence and found himself and his family giving more importance to Annabelle's teenage issues than his.
Middle Child Syndrome: Case 3
David, Jonathan and Andrew are brothers. They are adults now and Jonathan is the middle child. Jonathan has had middle child syndrome and is suffering from middle child syndrome in adulthood. As a normal victim of middle child syndrome in adults Jonathan has grown up a little distant from his brothers. Jonathan met his girlfriend in David's wedding. But, in his engagement party, he did not expect Andrew to also meet the love of his life. Jonathan felt that Andrew did it on purpose and lost all the interest in the day. Jonathan always felt that he had to try harder to get noticed. This affected his love life as well. He always thinks that he cannot ever be good enough for his parents, and pushes his fiancee in the same direction. To prove his worth, Jonathan hosts the family dinners on a weekly basis, and gets deeply hurt when someone does not show up.
As all the cases above have shown, middle child syndrome is just the child's mind over reacting and wrongly perceiving actions of the family. This makes them lose confidence and get more insecure. Read more on family relationships.
How to Prevent Middle Child Syndrome
Middle child syndrome can have a lot of negative impacts on the mindset and the lifestyle, as well as the relationships of the child. Treating can get a little tough once it goes to an extreme stage, as always, prevention is better than cure. Here are ways you can prevent middle child syndrome.
- The first step is to be aware of the syndrome. Denying it will only make things worse. Another thing you need to admit is that your child may have it. However, having MDC does not make the child mentally unstable, so, do not put the child down about that.
- Do not keep the behavior same for all the children. Children always need something unique from their parents. Something that they give no one else. So always have something unique in the way you let each child know you love them.
- If your child is showing an unusual need to be held and loved, give in to that need. Children don't always let the parents know of things that are bothering them. But, one loving hug and kiss on the head from you may help them out after all.
- Don't compare your children. It is important that parents realize that not all children are the same. They will have their differences, different strengths and different weaknesses. Acknowledge the differences and love the children for what they are individually. If you compare them, they may start developing an inferiority complex.
- Never take sides and don't play favorites. The one you shower with the favoritism may benefit, but the others will feel less loved by you. If the children are in a fight, step in and stop the fight, but don't take sides. Tell them both that it is wrong to fight and that no justification matters.
- Encourage the children to do what they want to do. Do not let them give in to peer pressure, or sibling pressure. It is important that you cheer them on when they feel low about being different about something and support them for all their choices.
- Use endearing words for children at all times. Even in your anger, do not vent it out on any of the children. If they are wrong, correct them with as much endearment as possible.
- Be patient. Children are still learning the ropes of life that you have mastered. They may take longer. So be patient and help them as much as possible. Nonetheless, let them also fall, bruise and learn their lessons on their own, to an extent.
This is a very sensitive topic and any mistakes on this front could probably affect your child's life in a negative way. Beat the poison of middle child syndrome with the elixir of love, affection and understanding. This is where I sign off!! All the best!!
Adapted from : http://www.buzzle.com/articles/middle-child-syndrome.html
PS : Therefore, parents should also pay more attention to middle child and not just always pay attention to the eldest child or the youngest child only.
BY : Lee Meau Hui
Child Behavior: What Parents Can Do to Change Their Child's Behavior
What is normal behavior for a child?
Normal behavior in children depends on the child's age, personality, and physical and emotional development. A child's behavior may be a problem if it doesn't match the expectations of the family or if it is disruptive. Normal or "good" behavior is usually determined by whether it's socially, culturally and developmentally appropriate. Knowing what to expect from your child at each age will help you decide whether his or her behavior is normal.
What can I do to change my child's behavior?
Children tend to continue a behavior when it is rewarded and stop a behavior when it is ignored. Consistency in your reaction to a behavior is important because rewarding and punishing the same behavior at different times confuses your child. When your child's behavior is a problem, you have 3 choices:
• Decide that the behavior is not a problem because it's appropriate to the child's age and stage of development.
• Attempt to stop the behavior, either by ignoring it or by punishing it.
• Introduce a new behavior that you prefer and reinforce it by rewarding your child.
How do I stop misbehavior?
The best way to stop unwanted behavior is to ignore it. This way works best over a period of time. When you want the behavior to stop immediately, you can use the time-out method.
How do I use the time-out method?
Decide ahead of time the behaviors that will result in a time-out--usually tantrums, or aggressive or dangerous behavior. Choose a time-out place that is uninteresting for the child and not frightening, such as a chair, corner or playpen. When you're away from home, consider using a car or a nearby seating area as a time-out place.
When the unacceptable behavior occurs, tell the child the behavior is unacceptable and give a warning that you will put him or her in time-out if the behavior doesn't stop. Remain calm and don't look angry. If your child goes on misbehaving, calmly take him or her to the time-out area.
If possible, keep track of how long your child's been in time-out. Set a timer so your child will know when time-out is over. Time-out should be brief--generally 1 minute for each year of age--and should begin immediately after reaching the time-out place or after the child calms down. You should stay within sight or earshot of the child, but don't talk to him or her. If the child leaves the time-out area, gently return him or her to the area and consider resetting the timer. When the time-out is over, let the child leave the time-out place. Don't discuss the bad behavior, but look for ways to reward and reinforce good behavior later on.
How do I encourage a new, desired behavior?
One way to encourage good behavior is to use a reward system. This works best in children over 2 years of age. It can take up to 2 months to work. Being patient and keeping a diary of behavior can be helpful to parents.
Choose 1 to 2 behaviors you would like to change (such as bedtime habits, tooth brushing or picking up toys). Choose a reward your child would enjoy. Examples of good rewards are an extra bedtime story, delaying bedtime by half an hour, a preferred snack or, for older children, earning points toward a special toy, a privilege or a small amount of money.
Explain the desired behavior and the reward to the child. For example, "If you get into your pajamas and brush your teeth before this TV show is over, you can stay up a half hour later." Request the behavior only one time. If the child does what you ask, give the reward. You can help the child if necessary but don't get too involved. Because any attention from parents, even negative attention, is so rewarding to children, they may prefer to have parental attention instead of a reward at first. Transition statements, such as, "In 5 minutes, play time will be over," are helpful when you are teaching your child new behaviors.
This system helps you avoid power struggles with your child. However, your child is not punished if he or she chooses not to behave as you ask; he or she simply does not get the reward.
What are some good ways to reward my child?
Beat the Clock (good method for a dawdling child)
Ask the child to do a task. Set a timer. If the task is done before the timer rings, your child gets a reward. To decide the amount of time to give the child, figure out your child's "best time" to do that task and add 5 minutes.
The Good Behavior Game (good for teaching a new behavior)
Write a short list of good behaviors on a chart and mark the chart with a star each time you see the good behavior. After your child has earned a small number of stars (depending on the child's age), give him or her a reward.
Good Marks/Bad Marks (best method for difficult, highly active children)
In a short time (about an hour) put a mark on a chart or on your child's hand each time you see him or her performing a good behavior. For example, if you see your child playing quietly, solving a problem without fighting, picking up toys or reading a book, you would mark the chart. After a certain number of marks, give your child a reward. You can also make negative marks each time a bad behavior occurs. If you do this, only give your child a reward if there are more positive marks than negative marks.
Developing Quiet Time (often useful when you're making supper)
Ask your child to play quietly alone or with a sibling for a short time (maybe 30 minutes). Check on your child frequently (every 2 to 5 minutes, depending on the child's age) and give a reward or a token for each few minutes they were quiet or playing well. Gradually increase the intervals (go from checking your child's behavior every 2 to 5 minutes to checking every 30 minutes), but continue to give rewards for each time period your child was quiet or played well.
What else can I do to help my child behave well?
Make a short list of important rules and go over them with your child. Avoid power struggles, no-win situations and extremes. When you think you've overreacted, it's better to use common sense to solve the problem, even if you have to be inconsistent with your reward or punishment method. Avoid doing this often as it may confuse your child.
Accept your child's basic personality, whether it's shy, social, talkative or active. Basic personality can be changed a little, but not very much. Try to avoid situations that can make your child cranky, such as becoming overly stimulated, tired or bored. Don't criticize your child in front of other people. Describe your child's behavior as bad, but don't label your child as bad. Praise your child often when he or she deserves it. Touch him or her affectionately and often. Children want and need attention from their parents.
Develop little routines and rituals, especially at bedtimes and meal times. Provide transition remarks (such as "In 5 minutes, we'll be eating dinner."). Allow your child choices whenever possible. For example, you can ask, "Do you want to wear your red pajamas or your blue pajamas to bed tonight?"
As children get older, they may enjoy becoming involved in household rule making. Don't debate the rules at the time of misbehavior, but invite your child to participate in rule making at another time.
Children who learn that bad behavior is not tolerated and that good behavior is rewarded are learning skills that will last them a lifetime.
Why shouldn't I use physical punishment?
Parents may choose to use physical punishment (such as spanking) to stop undesirable behavior. The biggest drawback to this method is that although the punishment stops the bad behavior for a while, it doesn't teach your child to change his or her behavior. Disciplining your child is really just teaching him or her to choose good behaviors. If your child doesn't know a good behavior, he or she is likely to return to the bad behavior. Physical punishment becomes less effective with time and can cause the child to behave aggressively. It can also be carried too far -- into child abuse. Other methods of punishment are preferred and should be used whenever possible.
Posted by Lim Sin Loong, T3
Normal behavior in children depends on the child's age, personality, and physical and emotional development. A child's behavior may be a problem if it doesn't match the expectations of the family or if it is disruptive. Normal or "good" behavior is usually determined by whether it's socially, culturally and developmentally appropriate. Knowing what to expect from your child at each age will help you decide whether his or her behavior is normal.
What can I do to change my child's behavior?
Children tend to continue a behavior when it is rewarded and stop a behavior when it is ignored. Consistency in your reaction to a behavior is important because rewarding and punishing the same behavior at different times confuses your child. When your child's behavior is a problem, you have 3 choices:
• Decide that the behavior is not a problem because it's appropriate to the child's age and stage of development.
• Attempt to stop the behavior, either by ignoring it or by punishing it.
• Introduce a new behavior that you prefer and reinforce it by rewarding your child.
How do I stop misbehavior?
The best way to stop unwanted behavior is to ignore it. This way works best over a period of time. When you want the behavior to stop immediately, you can use the time-out method.
How do I use the time-out method?
Decide ahead of time the behaviors that will result in a time-out--usually tantrums, or aggressive or dangerous behavior. Choose a time-out place that is uninteresting for the child and not frightening, such as a chair, corner or playpen. When you're away from home, consider using a car or a nearby seating area as a time-out place.
When the unacceptable behavior occurs, tell the child the behavior is unacceptable and give a warning that you will put him or her in time-out if the behavior doesn't stop. Remain calm and don't look angry. If your child goes on misbehaving, calmly take him or her to the time-out area.
If possible, keep track of how long your child's been in time-out. Set a timer so your child will know when time-out is over. Time-out should be brief--generally 1 minute for each year of age--and should begin immediately after reaching the time-out place or after the child calms down. You should stay within sight or earshot of the child, but don't talk to him or her. If the child leaves the time-out area, gently return him or her to the area and consider resetting the timer. When the time-out is over, let the child leave the time-out place. Don't discuss the bad behavior, but look for ways to reward and reinforce good behavior later on.
How do I encourage a new, desired behavior?
One way to encourage good behavior is to use a reward system. This works best in children over 2 years of age. It can take up to 2 months to work. Being patient and keeping a diary of behavior can be helpful to parents.
Choose 1 to 2 behaviors you would like to change (such as bedtime habits, tooth brushing or picking up toys). Choose a reward your child would enjoy. Examples of good rewards are an extra bedtime story, delaying bedtime by half an hour, a preferred snack or, for older children, earning points toward a special toy, a privilege or a small amount of money.
Explain the desired behavior and the reward to the child. For example, "If you get into your pajamas and brush your teeth before this TV show is over, you can stay up a half hour later." Request the behavior only one time. If the child does what you ask, give the reward. You can help the child if necessary but don't get too involved. Because any attention from parents, even negative attention, is so rewarding to children, they may prefer to have parental attention instead of a reward at first. Transition statements, such as, "In 5 minutes, play time will be over," are helpful when you are teaching your child new behaviors.
This system helps you avoid power struggles with your child. However, your child is not punished if he or she chooses not to behave as you ask; he or she simply does not get the reward.
What are some good ways to reward my child?
Beat the Clock (good method for a dawdling child)
Ask the child to do a task. Set a timer. If the task is done before the timer rings, your child gets a reward. To decide the amount of time to give the child, figure out your child's "best time" to do that task and add 5 minutes.
The Good Behavior Game (good for teaching a new behavior)
Write a short list of good behaviors on a chart and mark the chart with a star each time you see the good behavior. After your child has earned a small number of stars (depending on the child's age), give him or her a reward.
Good Marks/Bad Marks (best method for difficult, highly active children)
In a short time (about an hour) put a mark on a chart or on your child's hand each time you see him or her performing a good behavior. For example, if you see your child playing quietly, solving a problem without fighting, picking up toys or reading a book, you would mark the chart. After a certain number of marks, give your child a reward. You can also make negative marks each time a bad behavior occurs. If you do this, only give your child a reward if there are more positive marks than negative marks.
Developing Quiet Time (often useful when you're making supper)
Ask your child to play quietly alone or with a sibling for a short time (maybe 30 minutes). Check on your child frequently (every 2 to 5 minutes, depending on the child's age) and give a reward or a token for each few minutes they were quiet or playing well. Gradually increase the intervals (go from checking your child's behavior every 2 to 5 minutes to checking every 30 minutes), but continue to give rewards for each time period your child was quiet or played well.
What else can I do to help my child behave well?
Make a short list of important rules and go over them with your child. Avoid power struggles, no-win situations and extremes. When you think you've overreacted, it's better to use common sense to solve the problem, even if you have to be inconsistent with your reward or punishment method. Avoid doing this often as it may confuse your child.
Accept your child's basic personality, whether it's shy, social, talkative or active. Basic personality can be changed a little, but not very much. Try to avoid situations that can make your child cranky, such as becoming overly stimulated, tired or bored. Don't criticize your child in front of other people. Describe your child's behavior as bad, but don't label your child as bad. Praise your child often when he or she deserves it. Touch him or her affectionately and often. Children want and need attention from their parents.
Develop little routines and rituals, especially at bedtimes and meal times. Provide transition remarks (such as "In 5 minutes, we'll be eating dinner."). Allow your child choices whenever possible. For example, you can ask, "Do you want to wear your red pajamas or your blue pajamas to bed tonight?"
As children get older, they may enjoy becoming involved in household rule making. Don't debate the rules at the time of misbehavior, but invite your child to participate in rule making at another time.
Children who learn that bad behavior is not tolerated and that good behavior is rewarded are learning skills that will last them a lifetime.
Why shouldn't I use physical punishment?
Parents may choose to use physical punishment (such as spanking) to stop undesirable behavior. The biggest drawback to this method is that although the punishment stops the bad behavior for a while, it doesn't teach your child to change his or her behavior. Disciplining your child is really just teaching him or her to choose good behaviors. If your child doesn't know a good behavior, he or she is likely to return to the bad behavior. Physical punishment becomes less effective with time and can cause the child to behave aggressively. It can also be carried too far -- into child abuse. Other methods of punishment are preferred and should be used whenever possible.
Posted by Lim Sin Loong, T3
Dealing with aggressive child
Although aggressive behavior such as hitting, screaming, and even biting is not seen as all that unusual from a child of one or two years of age, the same conduct in children merely a year or two older is often seen as cruel and problematic. Controlling feelings and emotions is, however, a learned skill and can be very difficult to master (even for some adults!).
Staying calm and collected not only requires a fair amount of self-control and discipline, but also a basic understanding of appropriate social behavior and morality. Most children under the age of five or six have a minimal comprehension of what exactly is socially acceptable, at least beyond pleasing Mom or Dad. Even then, some children may find it difficult to control their temper and yet there is often a difference between a child who is deceptively ‘acting out' (which is rare, and often due to an unstable or unsafe home environment) and one who is simply trying to be assertive.
The majority of children do not recognize their own strength or even the full consequences of their actions; and in a world where they are often being told what to do, where to go and how to behave, it does not seem all that unreasonable that they may sometimes need to speak out and be heard. Those school-aged children who continue to act obnoxiously or aggressively may have never experienced the opportunity of being truly listened to in a loving environment. Listening, on the part of parents involves not only hearing your children's jokes and laughter, but perhaps more importantly hearing about those hurt, angered and unhappy emotions as well. So often, children are not allowed to speak negatively, complain, or offer a difference of opinion and thus their feelings continue to build up until one day they may unintentionally vent or lash out. It is important to remember, however, that hearing your children out does not mean submitting to their every whim or desire.
Aside from releasing pent up emotions, children who behave aggressively may also do so because they have been rewarded for the conduct. Parents may have hoped to raise a child who is strong and able to stand up for him- or herself in rough situations. More commonly, parents may have inadvertently reinforced the aggressive behavior through attention. Indeed, even nagging or punishing children for acting aggressively can make it more likely that they will act that way in the future. Imagine, if you will, a child quietly piecing a puzzle together or even playing a video game. He/She has almost completed the puzzle/game but cannot get the final pieces/play to come together. Throughout this quiet half an hour the parent has been around but has said absolutely nothing. Nothing, that is until the child becomes obviously frustrated and throws the puzzle/game across the room and begins screaming or swearing loudly. At this point the parent intervenes by reprimanding the child and sending him/her to their room. It would appear that the parent has done everything appropriate in this situation, except for the fact that the only attention this child received during the time period was negative. If this is commonly the case, the child may begin to feel that any attention is better than no attention and as a result may continue to act out disruptively in daily activities. When dealing with aggressive children, it is worth the effort to praise even the smallest attempt at proper behavior, while paying very little if any attention to negative conduct. Praise can be a very strong motivator.
It is also important to remember that behavior can be very difficult to change and that it takes a lot of patience. Turning an aggressive child into a nonaggressive child will not happen overnight, and the odd outburst may even occur once the behavior has seemed to restore itself.
In dealing with aggressive children, regardless of their age, here are a few suggestions to consider:
KNOW THE TRIGGERS
Whether it be rush hour traffic or spilled juice, everyone has those things that really aggravate or irritate them, and children are no different. While they may not be as great at expressing what upsets them, things like a late meal, a missed soccer game, or even a forgotten bedtime story can really agitate children and make them angry. Knowing that your child becomes easily upset under certain circumstances allows parents or care-givers to avoid or work around these situations -- or at the very least, be prepared for them. It might be helpful to keep a journal to figure out what times of day or what occurs prior to each time your child becomes upset. If mornings are difficult for your child, perhaps allow them some extra time to wake up or do not ask a whole lot form them at this point in time. If not being allowed to purchase a toy from the store usually sends them into a tantrum, warn them ahead of time or if possible just leave them at home.
AVOID PHYSICAL PUNISHMENT
It can be very easy to become angered and even outraged at a misbehaving child, especially an older one who probably should know better. Just be cautious of how you express your feelings, because the children are always watching and learning from you. Yelling or hitting an already angered and destructive child seems only to up the anti. If you expect your children to act responsibly and calmly, be sure to do so yourself. And remember, even a ten or twelve year-old girl or boy is still a child. Children do not form intent the same way adults do and often have little desire to hurt or upset you. They merely need to express themselves and have not yet learned to do so in a socially acceptable manner.
KNOW YOUR CHILD'S TEMPERAMENT
Everyone is born with a unique temperament or personality. Some people tend to be more reserved or timid, while others are always outgoing and spontaneous. Similarly, some children tend to be more outwardly assertive and aggressive and others less so. Knowing your child's personality allows you the advantage of foresight. If your child does not do well with unexpected occurrences, try to keep his or her day routine. Use the insight.
BE A ROLE MODEL
This is perhaps the hardest part of being a parent or caregiver. Role-modeling your own behavior can be difficult even in the easiest of times, but particularly if arguing or fighting is a common occurrence in your household. Nevertheless, you should not expect from others that which you cannot put forth yourself. Even the odd volatile joke or sarcastic remark can be misinterpreted by children, so watch not only your actions but also your words. Being a role model not only involves controlling your own emotions, but also teaching your children how to express theirs — both good and bad— appropriately. Modeling support and compassion for others is an important beginning place, so you may want to volunteer some of your time. Simply bring your neighbor some fresh cut flowers or a fruit basket to say "hello". Visit sick children in the hospital. Work at the food bank with your children over the Christmas holidays. Be the kind of person that you would like your child to grow up to be.
EXPRESS YOURSELF
Along the same lines as being a role model, be sure to give your children the chance to see all of your own personal emotions. Modeling appropriate behavior should not be equated with hiding your feelings or fears from them. It is important for your children to see that you are also human, and that it is possible to have the esteem and self-control to act rationally even when feelings may not be.
REWARD GOOD BEHAVIOR
Although some parents may see rewards as a form of bardering or bribery, it does not have to be that extreme. It also can work really well for older children who in no other way seem to want to stop their aggressive tendencies. Offering your children well-deserved praise, a play at the park, or an opportunity to play at a friends house for proper conduct can work wonders. The key is to inform them of what is first expected, to reward them soon if not immediately after they obey, and to always withhold any and all rewards if they do not obey. So for example, if your child has made it through a shopping trip without any yelling, crying, or hitting, you may want to stop at the park with them on the way home as a thank you. Offering them the park the next day is already too late as it gives them the chance to act inappropriately in the mean time. For rewards to work effectively they also cannot be given to your children if they have not done what was expected of them. Toys can be used as well, but they are not advised and it is always best to start off small otherwise your child may be asking for things each and every time he or she behaves. The best kind of reward is praise. Children need to know their parents are proud of them.
STAY CALM
No matter how agitated, upset, or aggressive your child becomes, it is much easier for them to relax if you are also calm. Despite your own concern, do not try to rationalize with them until they have calmed down. Try sending them into their room, or if you have to take yourself out of the situation and stay in your own bedroom or bathroom. If they become overly violent or aggressive you may need to take drastic measures. Call the police if necessary, but stay calm. The more aggravated your child sees you become the more power he or she has gained over you and the more likely he will be to repeat the behavior.
UNCONCERNED CHILDREN
As a final note, if your child tends to be destructive often and does not seem to benefit from appropriate parental intervention, or actually seems to enjoy harming others, please seek professional advice.
Posted by Lim Sin Loong, T3
Staying calm and collected not only requires a fair amount of self-control and discipline, but also a basic understanding of appropriate social behavior and morality. Most children under the age of five or six have a minimal comprehension of what exactly is socially acceptable, at least beyond pleasing Mom or Dad. Even then, some children may find it difficult to control their temper and yet there is often a difference between a child who is deceptively ‘acting out' (which is rare, and often due to an unstable or unsafe home environment) and one who is simply trying to be assertive.
The majority of children do not recognize their own strength or even the full consequences of their actions; and in a world where they are often being told what to do, where to go and how to behave, it does not seem all that unreasonable that they may sometimes need to speak out and be heard. Those school-aged children who continue to act obnoxiously or aggressively may have never experienced the opportunity of being truly listened to in a loving environment. Listening, on the part of parents involves not only hearing your children's jokes and laughter, but perhaps more importantly hearing about those hurt, angered and unhappy emotions as well. So often, children are not allowed to speak negatively, complain, or offer a difference of opinion and thus their feelings continue to build up until one day they may unintentionally vent or lash out. It is important to remember, however, that hearing your children out does not mean submitting to their every whim or desire.
Aside from releasing pent up emotions, children who behave aggressively may also do so because they have been rewarded for the conduct. Parents may have hoped to raise a child who is strong and able to stand up for him- or herself in rough situations. More commonly, parents may have inadvertently reinforced the aggressive behavior through attention. Indeed, even nagging or punishing children for acting aggressively can make it more likely that they will act that way in the future. Imagine, if you will, a child quietly piecing a puzzle together or even playing a video game. He/She has almost completed the puzzle/game but cannot get the final pieces/play to come together. Throughout this quiet half an hour the parent has been around but has said absolutely nothing. Nothing, that is until the child becomes obviously frustrated and throws the puzzle/game across the room and begins screaming or swearing loudly. At this point the parent intervenes by reprimanding the child and sending him/her to their room. It would appear that the parent has done everything appropriate in this situation, except for the fact that the only attention this child received during the time period was negative. If this is commonly the case, the child may begin to feel that any attention is better than no attention and as a result may continue to act out disruptively in daily activities. When dealing with aggressive children, it is worth the effort to praise even the smallest attempt at proper behavior, while paying very little if any attention to negative conduct. Praise can be a very strong motivator.
It is also important to remember that behavior can be very difficult to change and that it takes a lot of patience. Turning an aggressive child into a nonaggressive child will not happen overnight, and the odd outburst may even occur once the behavior has seemed to restore itself.
In dealing with aggressive children, regardless of their age, here are a few suggestions to consider:
KNOW THE TRIGGERS
Whether it be rush hour traffic or spilled juice, everyone has those things that really aggravate or irritate them, and children are no different. While they may not be as great at expressing what upsets them, things like a late meal, a missed soccer game, or even a forgotten bedtime story can really agitate children and make them angry. Knowing that your child becomes easily upset under certain circumstances allows parents or care-givers to avoid or work around these situations -- or at the very least, be prepared for them. It might be helpful to keep a journal to figure out what times of day or what occurs prior to each time your child becomes upset. If mornings are difficult for your child, perhaps allow them some extra time to wake up or do not ask a whole lot form them at this point in time. If not being allowed to purchase a toy from the store usually sends them into a tantrum, warn them ahead of time or if possible just leave them at home.
AVOID PHYSICAL PUNISHMENT
It can be very easy to become angered and even outraged at a misbehaving child, especially an older one who probably should know better. Just be cautious of how you express your feelings, because the children are always watching and learning from you. Yelling or hitting an already angered and destructive child seems only to up the anti. If you expect your children to act responsibly and calmly, be sure to do so yourself. And remember, even a ten or twelve year-old girl or boy is still a child. Children do not form intent the same way adults do and often have little desire to hurt or upset you. They merely need to express themselves and have not yet learned to do so in a socially acceptable manner.
KNOW YOUR CHILD'S TEMPERAMENT
Everyone is born with a unique temperament or personality. Some people tend to be more reserved or timid, while others are always outgoing and spontaneous. Similarly, some children tend to be more outwardly assertive and aggressive and others less so. Knowing your child's personality allows you the advantage of foresight. If your child does not do well with unexpected occurrences, try to keep his or her day routine. Use the insight.
BE A ROLE MODEL
This is perhaps the hardest part of being a parent or caregiver. Role-modeling your own behavior can be difficult even in the easiest of times, but particularly if arguing or fighting is a common occurrence in your household. Nevertheless, you should not expect from others that which you cannot put forth yourself. Even the odd volatile joke or sarcastic remark can be misinterpreted by children, so watch not only your actions but also your words. Being a role model not only involves controlling your own emotions, but also teaching your children how to express theirs — both good and bad— appropriately. Modeling support and compassion for others is an important beginning place, so you may want to volunteer some of your time. Simply bring your neighbor some fresh cut flowers or a fruit basket to say "hello". Visit sick children in the hospital. Work at the food bank with your children over the Christmas holidays. Be the kind of person that you would like your child to grow up to be.
EXPRESS YOURSELF
Along the same lines as being a role model, be sure to give your children the chance to see all of your own personal emotions. Modeling appropriate behavior should not be equated with hiding your feelings or fears from them. It is important for your children to see that you are also human, and that it is possible to have the esteem and self-control to act rationally even when feelings may not be.
REWARD GOOD BEHAVIOR
Although some parents may see rewards as a form of bardering or bribery, it does not have to be that extreme. It also can work really well for older children who in no other way seem to want to stop their aggressive tendencies. Offering your children well-deserved praise, a play at the park, or an opportunity to play at a friends house for proper conduct can work wonders. The key is to inform them of what is first expected, to reward them soon if not immediately after they obey, and to always withhold any and all rewards if they do not obey. So for example, if your child has made it through a shopping trip without any yelling, crying, or hitting, you may want to stop at the park with them on the way home as a thank you. Offering them the park the next day is already too late as it gives them the chance to act inappropriately in the mean time. For rewards to work effectively they also cannot be given to your children if they have not done what was expected of them. Toys can be used as well, but they are not advised and it is always best to start off small otherwise your child may be asking for things each and every time he or she behaves. The best kind of reward is praise. Children need to know their parents are proud of them.
STAY CALM
No matter how agitated, upset, or aggressive your child becomes, it is much easier for them to relax if you are also calm. Despite your own concern, do not try to rationalize with them until they have calmed down. Try sending them into their room, or if you have to take yourself out of the situation and stay in your own bedroom or bathroom. If they become overly violent or aggressive you may need to take drastic measures. Call the police if necessary, but stay calm. The more aggravated your child sees you become the more power he or she has gained over you and the more likely he will be to repeat the behavior.
UNCONCERNED CHILDREN
As a final note, if your child tends to be destructive often and does not seem to benefit from appropriate parental intervention, or actually seems to enjoy harming others, please seek professional advice.
Posted by Lim Sin Loong, T3
What is your child trying to say?
Parents can better understand what their children are saying when they are in tune with them, like singing a song along with a fine tuned musical instrument. When we think of parenting as being like the sound of music, we see that being in tune creates harmony, but when the instrument is out of tune with the song we sing, what we hear leaves us confused. In fact, being out of tune creates what becomes irritating to our ears and hard to hear. That’s when harmony is replaced with communication mistakes which create huge parenting headaches.HOW TO BE IN TUNE WITH WHAT CHILDREN THINK, SAY AND DO:1. Know why and when a child is saying,”I’m afraid.”
Understanding your child’s developmental stage and age is the best way to understand what they say by the way they behave. When we consider the process of child development, we will see why a child’s way to communicate can be confusing, especially within early childhood. What may seem obvious to you won’t make much sense to a child who can’t understand the logical reasons parents do what they do.
If the parent is out of tune or confused as to what goes through the mind of a three year-old child, they won’t understand why their child misbehaves or acts out. They’ll be out of tune with the way their child thinks when they leave the child with someone else and assume the child can understand they’ll eventually come back, but in fact, the child might be thinking, “Mommy and dad will never come back.” That’s when the child will have an anxiety attack that makes them mad, so the next thing you know, the day care is calling you to say, “Your child is misbehaving today, and in fact, he just hit and/or bit another kid.”
Parent’s who are in tune to their children’s developmental stage can see that when their child misbehaves, it usually means they are trying to say, “I’m afraid.” Being in tune with your child’s level of ability to comprehend the concept of object permanence will help you understand why your child gets mad and acts out when you’re out of sight. To get in tune with your child, you can then communicate with them and behave in ways that teach the child to see that just because you leave the room doesn’t mean you’ve abandoned them, but you still exist and you’ll come back into their view soon.
2. Listen to words never heard when a child is saying,”My needs are not being met.”Have you ever seen a child scream and throw a fit in public? If and when you do, you’ll see with your own eyes exactly what that child needs, but the parent often looks confused. They don’t seem to have a clue that their child is publically screaming, “I need you to discipline me.” When children aren’t provided with guidance on how to behave in socially pleasing ways, their socially inappropriate behavior says, “Please teach me how to behave in public.”Another way a child communicates an unmet need might be to get cranky and even mean when their need to eat and sleep at appropriate times are not met, due to the parent’s lack of time and the mess that comes from stress. With no sense of order or routine, children scream, cry, whine and get mean as a way to say, “Feed me please, and then, put me to bed so I can get some rest.”
Then again, there are endless ways children misbehave as a way to communicate with words never heard, but alarmingly seen when they begin to climb the walls, behave in obnoxious ways and throw a fit or two to say to you, “Pay attention to me please.”
3. Become in tune with your child’s mood to see if they’re saying, “I need a boost from you.”
When parents use their ears and eyes to become tuned into their child’s moods, they’ll see how to fine tune the keys a child needs for a healthy self esteem. Gloomy moods might be a child’s way to say, “I’m lonely and I don’t think anyone likes me.” Lashing out in frustration can be a way to say, “Someone bullied me today.” On the other hand, when a child isolates himself in his room, it could be that he is telling you, “I don’t fit in with other kids.” Being in tune with your child means you’ll see the unseen and read between the lines that children tend to hide behind. In other words, children need to be seen and heard to develop a sense of belonging and worth.
4. When teens behave in irrational ways, it’s a way to say,”I’m confused.”
Although your teen may be the size of an adult, their brains remain childish until the human mind can be completely developed with the maturity it takes to use their God given common sense. In the mean time, a teen will be confused while living within an adult size body and a child like mind at the same time. That’s why teens tend to do illogical things as a way to explain, “I’m confused and I don’t know what to do.” It’s as if they ask themselves every day, ” How do I think through my child like mind and behave as maturely as I appear to be?”This confusion is why parents of teens so often say, “My teen drives me insane,” and it’s also why teens complain all the time, “My parents don’t understand me.” Being tuned in with the confusing aspects of what it means to be a teen will help you clearly see what he or she is actually saying when they do those crazy things teens do, such as, “I still need you to guide my life.” Even though they look grown up, a teen is still a kid who needs a few boundaries and rules set by you, who has a mind that fits your body size.
5. By the way, children of any age behave in ways that say, “I need you to be pleased with me.”
The biggest mistake some parents make is when they pay more attention to the mistakes their children make, than to what their children do to pleas them. Although people say every day,”No news is good news,” that’s not true when it comes to parenting. Everything good a child says or does must be seen and acknowledged through the reinforcement of good news which comes from you. Praise goes a long way to make up for the fact that we sometimes miss what our kids are trying to say.
After all, when people are pleased and pleasing, they tend to create ways to communicate which sounds and feels like harmony. That’s why it’s wise to keep in mind that when it comes to a child’s need to please his or her parents, there’s no age or phase that makes the need to please obsolete, so look for the signs and behave accordingly. That’s when you’ll be more likely to see a sparkle in your children’s eyes and a smile on their face, which will be their way to say, “My parents are proud of me today.”
Posted by Lim Sin Loong, T3
Understanding your child’s developmental stage and age is the best way to understand what they say by the way they behave. When we consider the process of child development, we will see why a child’s way to communicate can be confusing, especially within early childhood. What may seem obvious to you won’t make much sense to a child who can’t understand the logical reasons parents do what they do.
If the parent is out of tune or confused as to what goes through the mind of a three year-old child, they won’t understand why their child misbehaves or acts out. They’ll be out of tune with the way their child thinks when they leave the child with someone else and assume the child can understand they’ll eventually come back, but in fact, the child might be thinking, “Mommy and dad will never come back.” That’s when the child will have an anxiety attack that makes them mad, so the next thing you know, the day care is calling you to say, “Your child is misbehaving today, and in fact, he just hit and/or bit another kid.”
Parent’s who are in tune to their children’s developmental stage can see that when their child misbehaves, it usually means they are trying to say, “I’m afraid.” Being in tune with your child’s level of ability to comprehend the concept of object permanence will help you understand why your child gets mad and acts out when you’re out of sight. To get in tune with your child, you can then communicate with them and behave in ways that teach the child to see that just because you leave the room doesn’t mean you’ve abandoned them, but you still exist and you’ll come back into their view soon.
2. Listen to words never heard when a child is saying,”My needs are not being met.”Have you ever seen a child scream and throw a fit in public? If and when you do, you’ll see with your own eyes exactly what that child needs, but the parent often looks confused. They don’t seem to have a clue that their child is publically screaming, “I need you to discipline me.” When children aren’t provided with guidance on how to behave in socially pleasing ways, their socially inappropriate behavior says, “Please teach me how to behave in public.”Another way a child communicates an unmet need might be to get cranky and even mean when their need to eat and sleep at appropriate times are not met, due to the parent’s lack of time and the mess that comes from stress. With no sense of order or routine, children scream, cry, whine and get mean as a way to say, “Feed me please, and then, put me to bed so I can get some rest.”
Then again, there are endless ways children misbehave as a way to communicate with words never heard, but alarmingly seen when they begin to climb the walls, behave in obnoxious ways and throw a fit or two to say to you, “Pay attention to me please.”
3. Become in tune with your child’s mood to see if they’re saying, “I need a boost from you.”
When parents use their ears and eyes to become tuned into their child’s moods, they’ll see how to fine tune the keys a child needs for a healthy self esteem. Gloomy moods might be a child’s way to say, “I’m lonely and I don’t think anyone likes me.” Lashing out in frustration can be a way to say, “Someone bullied me today.” On the other hand, when a child isolates himself in his room, it could be that he is telling you, “I don’t fit in with other kids.” Being in tune with your child means you’ll see the unseen and read between the lines that children tend to hide behind. In other words, children need to be seen and heard to develop a sense of belonging and worth.
4. When teens behave in irrational ways, it’s a way to say,”I’m confused.”
Although your teen may be the size of an adult, their brains remain childish until the human mind can be completely developed with the maturity it takes to use their God given common sense. In the mean time, a teen will be confused while living within an adult size body and a child like mind at the same time. That’s why teens tend to do illogical things as a way to explain, “I’m confused and I don’t know what to do.” It’s as if they ask themselves every day, ” How do I think through my child like mind and behave as maturely as I appear to be?”This confusion is why parents of teens so often say, “My teen drives me insane,” and it’s also why teens complain all the time, “My parents don’t understand me.” Being tuned in with the confusing aspects of what it means to be a teen will help you clearly see what he or she is actually saying when they do those crazy things teens do, such as, “I still need you to guide my life.” Even though they look grown up, a teen is still a kid who needs a few boundaries and rules set by you, who has a mind that fits your body size.
5. By the way, children of any age behave in ways that say, “I need you to be pleased with me.”
The biggest mistake some parents make is when they pay more attention to the mistakes their children make, than to what their children do to pleas them. Although people say every day,”No news is good news,” that’s not true when it comes to parenting. Everything good a child says or does must be seen and acknowledged through the reinforcement of good news which comes from you. Praise goes a long way to make up for the fact that we sometimes miss what our kids are trying to say.
After all, when people are pleased and pleasing, they tend to create ways to communicate which sounds and feels like harmony. That’s why it’s wise to keep in mind that when it comes to a child’s need to please his or her parents, there’s no age or phase that makes the need to please obsolete, so look for the signs and behave accordingly. That’s when you’ll be more likely to see a sparkle in your children’s eyes and a smile on their face, which will be their way to say, “My parents are proud of me today.”
Posted by Lim Sin Loong, T3
Why does a four year old still cry for Mommy?
In 1958 John Bowlby published a paper entitled The Nature of a Child's Tie to His Mother (Bowlby, J. (1958). The Nature of the Child's Tie to his Mother1. Int. J. Psycho-Anal., 39:350-373). With this paper, an understanding of humans called Attachment Theory was born. In the decades that followed this paper, research has demonstrated that the quality of attachment between mother and child predicts later functioning in many areas of life. The only time this attachment does not predict functioning is when kids take up with callous peers or when there is significant psychological trauma. In other words, a secure attachment is important but is not sufficient for well-being.
How can a parent tell if a child is securely attached?
Unfortunately secure attachment is a laboratory, not a life concept. The test for secure attachment can only be done by especially trained researchers/clinicians. Nonetheless, parents are often concerned that a number of childhood behaviors may indicate problems with attachment. I recently came across an example of this problem. A friend of mine has a four year old daughter who is very bright and generally happy. The child enjoys playing with her sisters and other children. She is not particularly anxious or fearful. However, this child does not like to be without her mother. At times, she cries at preschool because she wants Momma. The question is, "Does a four year old who cries for Momma have a disordered attachment or any other psychological problem?"
In our times, most women with 4 year old children are working full-time. We have little tolerance for four year olds who "act like babies" and cry for their parents. Therefore, it is convenient for us to label this behavior disordered and blame the child and not our lifestyles. Other than the desire to be with mom, my friend's child displays no sign of any psychological disorder. Thankfully, my friend is not working full-time and can be there for her daughter. However, my friend wonders if she should "give in" when her four year old yearns for her. In my view attachment specialists have failed because the field does not answer this question for the public. In fact, I would bet that if my friend took her daughter to 5 different specialists in the area, she would get five different answers. I will therefore provide my own opinion on this question.
Why does a four year old still cry for Mommy?
Attachment means one thing, that is a compulsion for proximity seeking. People who are attached seek to be near one another. Yes, attachment is a compulsion, a behavior we feel compelled to do. The attached person feels compelled to be near that special other. In normal young children, this compulsion is very strong and is the driving force behind much of what they do. This compulsion is also very important for psychological well-being. In fact, when it is absent, children are very disordered. Imagine the child who doesn't care whether his parents are around. That child is disordered! No one knows how much time in minutes/hours a child needs to be physically with his parents in order to have well-being. The answer is likely different for different children even of the same age.
During the preschool years, children also begin to develop what researchers call Self Regulation, an ability I have called impulse control. This ability enables a child to cope with all his many drives, compulsions and emotions. In the case of my friend, her daughter has not yet developed the impulse control necessary to cope with this very strong compulsion. We know that physical affection between parents and children strengthens the development of impulse control. We also know that helping a child understand and cope with his drives and emotions strengthens impulse control. Therefore, depriving a child of the contact he seeks will weaken NOT strengthen his impulse control. Rejecting a preschooler who wants us will likely impair his development and will weaken his sense of independence and competency. When parents require premature independence, children grow up with less impulse control and may be more vulnerable to developing ADHD.
But what if life circumstances make it impossible for mom to be there? In the case of the compulsion to be with mom, it is important not to require a child to exercise control over this impulse before he is ready. We don't want our children to develop the idea that wanting mom is a sign of weakness or something to be ashamed of. My advice is to have the child keep a picture of his mother with him at daycare or preschool. Staff should be instructed to have the child look at the picture when he misses mom. Staff can also say encouraging words like, "I know you miss your mom, she'll be here in just a little while, then you will be together." Staff can also help the child learn to use distraction to cope, "Let's draw a picture for your mom." "I know your mom wants you to try to have fun playing while you are here."
To sum it all up, many young children can adapt successfully to the demands of modern life. However, there are some vulnerable children for whom too much separation from parents may be harmful. Families have to be able provide for the special needs of these vulnerable children. This is the real meaning of putting the well-being of a child first in our lives.
Posted by Lim Sin Loong, T3
How can a parent tell if a child is securely attached?
Unfortunately secure attachment is a laboratory, not a life concept. The test for secure attachment can only be done by especially trained researchers/clinicians. Nonetheless, parents are often concerned that a number of childhood behaviors may indicate problems with attachment. I recently came across an example of this problem. A friend of mine has a four year old daughter who is very bright and generally happy. The child enjoys playing with her sisters and other children. She is not particularly anxious or fearful. However, this child does not like to be without her mother. At times, she cries at preschool because she wants Momma. The question is, "Does a four year old who cries for Momma have a disordered attachment or any other psychological problem?"
In our times, most women with 4 year old children are working full-time. We have little tolerance for four year olds who "act like babies" and cry for their parents. Therefore, it is convenient for us to label this behavior disordered and blame the child and not our lifestyles. Other than the desire to be with mom, my friend's child displays no sign of any psychological disorder. Thankfully, my friend is not working full-time and can be there for her daughter. However, my friend wonders if she should "give in" when her four year old yearns for her. In my view attachment specialists have failed because the field does not answer this question for the public. In fact, I would bet that if my friend took her daughter to 5 different specialists in the area, she would get five different answers. I will therefore provide my own opinion on this question.
Why does a four year old still cry for Mommy?
Attachment means one thing, that is a compulsion for proximity seeking. People who are attached seek to be near one another. Yes, attachment is a compulsion, a behavior we feel compelled to do. The attached person feels compelled to be near that special other. In normal young children, this compulsion is very strong and is the driving force behind much of what they do. This compulsion is also very important for psychological well-being. In fact, when it is absent, children are very disordered. Imagine the child who doesn't care whether his parents are around. That child is disordered! No one knows how much time in minutes/hours a child needs to be physically with his parents in order to have well-being. The answer is likely different for different children even of the same age.
During the preschool years, children also begin to develop what researchers call Self Regulation, an ability I have called impulse control. This ability enables a child to cope with all his many drives, compulsions and emotions. In the case of my friend, her daughter has not yet developed the impulse control necessary to cope with this very strong compulsion. We know that physical affection between parents and children strengthens the development of impulse control. We also know that helping a child understand and cope with his drives and emotions strengthens impulse control. Therefore, depriving a child of the contact he seeks will weaken NOT strengthen his impulse control. Rejecting a preschooler who wants us will likely impair his development and will weaken his sense of independence and competency. When parents require premature independence, children grow up with less impulse control and may be more vulnerable to developing ADHD.
But what if life circumstances make it impossible for mom to be there? In the case of the compulsion to be with mom, it is important not to require a child to exercise control over this impulse before he is ready. We don't want our children to develop the idea that wanting mom is a sign of weakness or something to be ashamed of. My advice is to have the child keep a picture of his mother with him at daycare or preschool. Staff should be instructed to have the child look at the picture when he misses mom. Staff can also say encouraging words like, "I know you miss your mom, she'll be here in just a little while, then you will be together." Staff can also help the child learn to use distraction to cope, "Let's draw a picture for your mom." "I know your mom wants you to try to have fun playing while you are here."
To sum it all up, many young children can adapt successfully to the demands of modern life. However, there are some vulnerable children for whom too much separation from parents may be harmful. Families have to be able provide for the special needs of these vulnerable children. This is the real meaning of putting the well-being of a child first in our lives.
Posted by Lim Sin Loong, T3
Don’t Stop Asking So Many Questions
Don’t Stop Asking So Many Questions
by CHRIS WIDERNER
A few years ago I took my boy on a trip that we make together every year. We left the house at 6 a.m. on Monday and got home at 9 p.m. on Thursday. That is just 87 hours.
A few years ago I took my boy on a trip that we make together every year. We left the house at 6 a.m. on Monday and got home at 9 p.m. on Thursday. That is just 87 hours.
However, that is 84,293 questions!
I mean, 10-year-old kids can ask questions! They are question machines! It was a virtual question-palooza! He wanted to know why we got up so early, why we chose that airline, when we would get there, what things meant in the books we were reading, how they got the jelly filling in the donuts, and on… and on… and on…. For four days!! Even my friend who drove us to the airport told my wife later that he asks a lot of questions, even at 6 a.m.!
I mean, 10-year-old kids can ask questions! They are question machines! It was a virtual question-palooza! He wanted to know why we got up so early, why we chose that airline, when we would get there, what things meant in the books we were reading, how they got the jelly filling in the donuts, and on… and on… and on…. For four days!! Even my friend who drove us to the airport told my wife later that he asks a lot of questions, even at 6 a.m.!
Anyway, you get the point.
I found myself repeatedly saying what thousands of you have said many times yourself, I’m sure:
Stop asking so many questions!
And then it hit me: This is why so many people lose their ability to achieve success. We tell them to stop asking so many questions. That’s right; we methodically strip our children of their innate inquisitiveness. And then when they get older we wonder why they don’t think for themselves! We told them to stop asking questions! They were born with a desire to understand the world around them and we, because of our frustration with the process, tell them to stop asking questions. What happens when you tell someone repeatedly to stop asking questions? They stop asking questions. It is a classic example of negative feedback and association.
I found myself repeatedly saying what thousands of you have said many times yourself, I’m sure:
Stop asking so many questions!
And then it hit me: This is why so many people lose their ability to achieve success. We tell them to stop asking so many questions. That’s right; we methodically strip our children of their innate inquisitiveness. And then when they get older we wonder why they don’t think for themselves! We told them to stop asking questions! They were born with a desire to understand the world around them and we, because of our frustration with the process, tell them to stop asking questions. What happens when you tell someone repeatedly to stop asking questions? They stop asking questions. It is a classic example of negative feedback and association.
The chances are high that it happened to you to some degree.
But being inquisitive is inherent to long-term success. We must constantly be asking questions of others and ourselves. We must relentlessly be questioning processes that we use. We must always question whether or not products can be improved.
But being inquisitive is inherent to long-term success. We must constantly be asking questions of others and ourselves. We must relentlessly be questioning processes that we use. We must always question whether or not products can be improved.
Questioning is what produces new answers, which leads us to break new ground.
Where does that leave us? Recommit yourself to asking lots of questions. Start by going through the basics: Who, what, when, where, why and how. Except, put “why” at the front of the list. Why? Because “why” gets behind the scenes more than the other questions do. “Why” deals with more than facts; it deals with motives and reasons.
Where does that leave us? Recommit yourself to asking lots of questions. Start by going through the basics: Who, what, when, where, why and how. Except, put “why” at the front of the list. Why? Because “why” gets behind the scenes more than the other questions do. “Why” deals with more than facts; it deals with motives and reasons.
“Why” can be very enlightening.
After all, “Why” is about 80 percent of all of the questions that kids ask, and if anybody knows how to ask questions, it’s kids. That is, if we let them.
So, as you live your life, let yourself ask lots of questions. Yes, people will wonder if you are a troublemaker, but you will know that you are pursuing enlightenment, knowledge, and the wisdom that will take you far beyond those
After all, “Why” is about 80 percent of all of the questions that kids ask, and if anybody knows how to ask questions, it’s kids. That is, if we let them.
So, as you live your life, let yourself ask lots of questions. Yes, people will wonder if you are a troublemaker, but you will know that you are pursuing enlightenment, knowledge, and the wisdom that will take you far beyond those
who choose to live as others tell them life shall be lived!
Don’t stop asking so many questions, and if you have kids at home, don’t stop them either!
Don’t stop asking so many questions, and if you have kids at home, don’t stop them either!
http://blog.success.com/experts/chris-widener/don%E2%80%99t-stop-asking-so-many-questions/
by Tan Yun Yi, T2
First Steps At Just Six Months
Published: 16 Feb 2010
The tot - who has just learnt to crawl - can walk 6ft unaided, something most one-year-olds struggle with.
THIS is baby Xavier King taking his first steps... at just SIX MONTHS old.
Parents Mary, 30, and David, 27, knew he was a fast learner when he sat up alone at three months.
But they were amazed when he started wobbling round their front room in Cambridge.
Mary said: "We couldn't believe it when he started putting one leg in front of the other.
"I can't leave him alone - I've had to buy a play pen so he doesn't get into mischief."
Child development experts say it is "extremely uncommon".
Consultant paediatrician Dr Martin Ward Platt said: "It brings forward the moment when parents need eyes in the back of their heads."
Posted by Tan Shi Sheng, T3
Munchausen Syndrome
A Look at the Devastating Affects of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy
Baron von Münchhausen was a notorious 18th century German baron, who came to attention due to his proclivity for causing himself harm in order to garner the sympathy and attention of others. His infamy outlived him, and his peculiar psychological disturbance earned him a place in history, when his disorder became known through out the world as Munchausen Syndrome. Sadly, an offshoot of the disorder, known as Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy, has since come to be recognized as a more sinister form of the condition.
Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy is a rare psychiatric disorder in which parents fabricate illnesses in their children, sometimes even going so far as to cause them physical harm and even death. As with Munchausen Syndrome, it is believed that, in most cases, perpetrators of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy are addicted to attention, particularly the sympathetic attention that the parent of a chronically ill child can garner.
Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy is far more common in mothers than in fathers. It is an extremely serious form of child abuse, which can have devastating affects on the health of the child or children of the afflicted parent. In some cases, the parent with Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy may make up symptoms in their child in order to continue taking the child in for medical attention. In more serious cases, the parent may actually cause the child harm in order to create actually conditions and illnesses that must then be treated. Even in cases where the parent reported fabricated symptoms, but did not actually harm the child, the damage can be irreversible when a perfectly healthy child becomes legitimately fragile, medically, due to invasive procedures performed to address medical problems that never existed in the first place.
Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy is an extremely insidious form of child abuse, which can often continue for years, or even indefinitely, without detection. It is rare that a child who is a victim of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy will understand what is happening to him or her. Often the abuse will have been occurring since before the child was developed enough to understand what was happening. Furthermore, a parent with Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy is often extremely close to the victimized child- the two may be the largest part of each other's worlds. The child will rarely suspect that it is the actions of Mom or Dad that are actually causing the harm.
The social and professional dynamics of the typical parent with Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy can also complicate the diagnostic picture for some healthcare professionals. More often than now, a parent with Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy is educated, well spoken, and appears to be a strong, passionate, well-researched advocate for the health of her child. A surprisingly high percentage of parents afflicted with Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy work in healthcare, with a disproportionately high number working as respiratory therapists. People working in healthcare, particularly those who work with patients hands-on, tend to know what makes an effective advocate, and what sorts of behaviors raise red flags. Many healthcare professionals who are also parents with Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy are extremely adept at advocating for the health of their children in a professional, caring, responsible manner.
Sadly, for this reason and others, the presence of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy in a parent can be incredibly difficult to detect, and even in cases where it is suspected, it can sometimes prove nearly impossible to substantiate. The gathering of important information that doctors need in order to formulate a theory about what is going on with their patients begins with the reporting of symptoms. For children, the most reliable reporter of those symptoms is usually thought to be the parents. Most physicians, nurses, social workers, and other healthcare personnel charged with the care of sick children will balk at accusing a parent of deliberately causing their child harm under potentially ambiguous circumstances. Often there is nothing more than a nontraditional path followed by the parents of a sick child or a gut feeling by a healthcare provider to suggest Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy.
Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy is child abuse, plain and simple. However, it is anything but a plain or simple form of child abuse. Children who are the victims of parents with the disorder rarely sustain broken limbs or bruised skin. Rather, they often find themselves embroiled in endless trails of doctor's appointments and unwarranted medical procedures. Determining the difference between a child who is medically complicated and a child who is the victim of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy is tricky for healthcare professionals. Calling in social workers to help to determine whenever there is concern about the possibility that a pediatric patient is the victim of his or her parents, is always a good idea.
source:http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/125419/munchausen_syndrome_by_proxy_the_cruelest_pg3.html?cat=70
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Theodore Kaczynski
He was an ordinary young child with high IQ on logical mathematics, a score of 167 overall. Well, at least many thought so. Before he turned, he had hives and was isolated in an
Subsequently he graduated at the age of 20. Soon, he became an assistant professor publicizing many works which are still used today.
Things took a turn when he started to move away to live in a wooden shack built by himself. He started building bombs in forms of mails and has killed numerous people including some of his universities’ colleagues. Subsequently in the 1990s, he was arrested and has be sentenced to life in prison without a possibility of a parole.
This story caught the attention of many psychologists in the past. Initially they studied his childhood to see if anything went wrong during his childhood and found out that despite having a high IQ, he had been ill for most of his life. Some part of his brain was not fully developed and was not stimulated properly. Some argued that he made a choice while many believed that he did it against his own will based on his testimonies while he was at prison.
Ted isn’t the only person who has a high IQ but would grow up to be socially rejected by the public. Among others are
1) Sufiah Yusof, Malaysian math prodigy who entered
2) John Nash, created a game equilibrium theory whom later has serious schizophrenia which distant him from his peers.
An observation
this is an a baby girl name Sophie was giving her commentary on why a little one was crying recently at our local greek festival
received from - yee shan
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)