When Big Brothers Bully

Highly critical parents and older siblings can have a negative effect on the self-esteem on the younger children in the family.

By Megan Olden, published on May 01, 2003 - last reviewed on April 10, 2007

Sibling animosity may be a universal truth, but that doesn't mean it is well understood. In a first attempt to link behavioral problems in early adulthood to the relationship with a brother or sister, researchers found that boys with older siblings who were critical of them were more likely to be arrested or to abuse drugs and alcohol.

In the study, 20-year-old boys with older siblings who had negative attitudes toward them were also more likely to associate with deviant peers and have sexual intercourse at a younger age than were boys with noncritical siblings. They exhibited the same antisocial behavior two years later.

The study, published in the Journal of Family Psychology (2003), required 73 men and women to describe their relationship with a younger brother. These findings do not imply that criticism causes deviance: Indeed, the siblings could have been highly critical because their brothers' behavior was problematic. But they do illustrate the potentially harmful impact of sibling interaction, says Bernadette Bullock, Ph.D., a research scientist at the University of Oregon's Child and Family Center and co-author of the study."Sibling influence is part of an ongoing multidirectional dynamic," says Bullock. The relationship is in turn influenced by parental attitudes and each child's temperament.

Jeanne Safer, Ph.D., a psychoanalyst and author of The Normal One: Life With a Difficult or Damaged Sibling, agrees: "How siblings relate to one another very often has to do with how the parents see the siblings and create the relationship between them."

Researchers including Bullock are now exploring the associations between parental and sibling attitudes, including the possibility of a contagion effect, in which the opinions of one family member affect the perceptions of others in the home.

Adapted from :

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200303/when-big-brothers-bully

Child Shyness

by Marion C. Hyson and Karen Van Trieste

What Is Shyness?

The basic feeling of shyness is universal, and may have evolved as an adaptive mechanism used to help individuals cope with novel social stimuli. Shyness is felt as a mix of emotions, including fear and interest, tension and pleasantness. Increase in heart rate and blood pressure may occur. An observer recognizes shyness by an averted, downward gaze and physical and verbal reticence. The shy person's speech is often soft, tremulous, or hesitant. Younger children may suck their thumbs: some act coy, alternately smiling and pulling away.

Shyness is distinguishable from two related behavior patterns; wariness and social disengagement. Infant wariness of strangers lacks the ambivalent approach/avoidance quality that characterizes shyness. Some older children may prefer solitary play and appear to have low needs for social interaction, but experience none of the tension of the genuinely shy child.

Children may be vulnerable to shyness at particular developmental points. Fearful shyness in response to new adults emerges in infancy. Cognitive advances in self-awareness bring greater social sensitivity in the second year. Self-conscious shyness-the possibility of embarrassment-appears at 4 or 5. Early adolescence ushers in a peak of self-consciousness.

What Situations Make Children Feel Shy?

New social encounters are the most frequent causes of shyness, especially if the shy person feels herself to be the focus of attention. An "epidemic of shyness" has been attributed to the rapidly changing social environment and competitive pressures of school and work with which 1980s children and adults must cope. Adults who constantly call attention to what others think of the child, or who allow the child little autonomy, may encourage feelings of shyness.

Why Are Some Children More Shy than Others?
Some children are dispositionally shy: they are more likely than other children to react to new social situations with shy behavior. Even these children, however, may show shyness only in certain kinds of social encounters. Researchers have implicated both nurture and nature in these individual differences.

Some aspects of shyness are learned. Children's cultural background and family environment offer models of social behavior. Chinese children in day care have been found to be more socially reticent than Caucasians, and Swedish children report more social discomfort than Americans. Some parents, by labeling their children as shy, appear to encourage a self- fulfilling prophecy, Adults may cajole coyly shy children into social interaction, thus reinforcing shy behavior.

There is growing evidence of a hereditary or temperamental basis for some variations of dispositional shyness. In fact, heredity may play a larger part in shyness than in any other personality trait. Adoption studies can predict shyness in adopted children from the biological mother's sociability. Extremely inhibited children show physiological differences from uninhibited children, including higher and more stable heart rates. From ages 2 to 5, the most inhibited children continue to show reticent behavior with new peers and adults. Patterns of social passivity or inhibition are remarkably consistent in longitudinal studies of personality development.

Despite this evidence, most researchers emphasize that genetic influences probably account for only a small proportion of self-labeled shyness. Even hereditary predispositions can be modified. Adopted children do acquire some of the adoptive parents' social styles, and extremely inhibited toddlers sometimes become more socially comfortable through their parents' efforts.

When Is Shyness a Problem?

Shyness can be a normal, adaptive response to potentially overwhelming social experience. By being somewhat shy, children can withdraw temporarily and gain a sense of control. Generally, as children gain experience with unfamiliar people, shyness wanes. In the absence of other difficulties, shy children have not been found to be significantly at-risk for psychiatric or behavior problems. In contrast, children who exhibit extreme shyness which is neither context-specific nor transient may be at some risk. Such children may lack social skills or have poor self-images. Shy children have been found to be less competent at initiating play with peers. School-age children who rate themselves as shy tend to like themselves less and consider themselves less friendly and more passive than their non-shy peers. Such factors negatively affect others' perceptions. Zimbardo reports that shy people are often judged by peers to be less friendly and likeable than non-shy people. For all these reasons, shy children may be neglected by peers, and have few chances to develop social skills. Children who continue to be excessively shy into adolescence and adulthood describe themselves as being more lonely, and having fewer close friends and relationships with members of the opposite sex, than their peers.

Strategies for Helping a Shy Child

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  Know and Accept the Whole Child. Being sensitive to the child's interests and feelings will allow you to build a relationship with the child and show that you respect the child. This can make the child more confident and less inhibited.
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  Build Self-Esteem. Shy children may have negative self-images and feel that they will not be accepted. Reinforce shy children for demonstrating skills and encourage their autonomy. Praise them often. "Children who feel good about themselves are not likely to be shy".
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  Develop Social Skills. Reinforce shy children for social behavior, even if it is only parallel play. One psychologist  recommends teaching children "social skill words" ("Can I play, too?") and role playing social entry techniques. Also, opportunities for play with young children in one-on-0one situations may allow shy children to become more assertive. Play with new groups of peers permits shy children to make a fresh start and achieve a higher peer status.
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  Allow the Shy Child to Warm Up to New Situations. Pushing a child into a situation which he or she sees as threatening is not likely to help the child build social skill. Help the child feel secure and provide interesting materials to lure him or her into social interactions.

Depression in Children

Can Children Really Suffer From Depression?

Yes. Childhood depression is different from the normal "blues" and everyday emotions that occur as a child develops. Just because a child seems depressed or sad, does not necessarily mean they have depression. But if these symptoms become persistent, disruptive, and interfere with social activities, interests, schoolwork and family life, it may indicate that he or she has the medical illness called depression. Keep in mind that while depression is a serious illness, it is also a treatable one.

How Can I Tell if My Child is Depressed?

The symptoms of depression in children vary. It is often undiagnosed and untreated because they are passed off as normal emotional and psychological changes that occur during growth. Early medical studies focused on "masked" depression, where a child's depressed mood was evidenced by acting out or angry behavior. While this does occur, particularly in younger children, many children display sadness or low mood similar to adults who are depressed. The primary symptoms of depression revolve around sadness, a feeling of hopelessness, and mood changes.

Signs and symptoms of depression in children include:

* Irritability or anger
* Continuous feelings of sadness, hopelessness
* Social withdrawal
* Increased sensitivity to rejection
* Changes in appetite -- either increased or decreased
* Changes in sleep -- sleeplessness or excessive sleep
* Vocal outbursts or crying
* Difficulty concentrating
* Fatigue and low energy
* Physical complaints (such as stomachaches, headaches) that do not respond to treatment
* Reduced ability to function during events and activities at home or with friends, in school, extracurricular activities, and in other hobbies or interests
* Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
* Impaired thinking or concentration
* Thoughts of death or suicide

Not all children have all of these symptoms. In fact, most will display different symptoms at different times and in different settings. Although some children may continue to function reasonably well in structured environments, most kids with significant depression will suffer a noticeable change in social activities, loss of interest in school and poor academic performance, or a change in appearance. Children may also begin using drugs or alcohol, especially if they are over the age of 12.

Although relatively rare in youths under 12, young children do attempt suicide -- and may do so impulsively when they are upset or angry. Girls are more likely to attempt suicide, but boys are more likely to actually kill themselves when they make an attempt. Children with a family history of violence, alcohol abuse, or physical or sexual abuse are at greater risk for suicide, as are those with depressive symptoms.

Which Children Get Depressed?

It is estimated that 2.5% of children in the U.S. suffer from depression. Depression is significantly more common in boys under the age of 10. But by age 16, girls have a greater incidence of depression.

Bipolar disorder is more common in adolescents than in younger children. Bipolar disorder in children can, however, be more severe than in adolescents. It may also co-occur with, or be hidden by, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), or conduct disorder (CD). According to the National Institute of Mental Health, 20-40% of adolescents with major depression develop bipolar disorder within five years after having depression.

What Causes Depression in Children?

As in adults, depression in children can be caused by any combination of factors that relate to physical health, life events, family history, environment, genetic vulnerability, and biochemical disturbance. Depression is not a passing mood, nor is it a condition that will go away without proper treatment.

Can Depression in Children Be Prevented?

Children with a family history of depression are at greater risk of experiencing depression themselves. Children who have parents that suffer from depression tend to develop their first episode of depression earlier than children whose parents do not. Children from chaotic or conflicted families, or children and teens who abuse substances like alcohol and drugs, are also at greater risk of depression.

How is the Diagnosis Made?

If the symptoms of depression in your child have lasted for at least two weeks, you should schedule a visit with his or her doctor to make sure there are no physical reasons for the symptoms and to make sure that your child receives proper treatment. A consultation with a mental healthcare professional who specializes in children is also recommended.

A mental health evaluation should include interviews with you (as the parents) and your child, and any additional psychological testing that is necessary. Information from teachers, friends, and classmates can be useful for showing that these symptoms are consistent during your child's various activities and are a marked change from previous behavior.

There are no specific tests -- medical or psychological -- that can clearly show depression, but tools such as questionnaires (for both the child and parents) combined with personal information can be very useful.

What Are the Treatment Options?

Treatment options for children with depression are similar to those for adults, including psychotherapy (counseling) and medicine . The role that family and the child's environment play in the treatment process is different from that of adults. Your child's doctor may suggest psychotherapy first, and consider antidepressant medicine as an additional option if there is no significant improvement. Currently, there are no good studies documenting the effectiveness of medicine over psychotherapy in children.

However, three studies do show that the antidepressant Prozac is effective in treating depression in children and teens. The drug is officially recognized by the FDA for treatment of children 8-18 with depression.

Treating children with bipolar disorder

Children with bipolar disorder are usually treated with psychotherapy and a combination of medicines, usually an antidepressant and a mood stabilizer. Use of an antidepressant alone can trigger bouts of mania.

The FDA has determined that antidepressant medications increase the risk of suicidal thinking and behavior in children and adolescents with depression and other psychiatric disorders. If you have questions or concerns, discuss them with your health care provider.

What Can I Expect Long-Term?

Studies have found that first-time depression in children is occurring at younger ages than previously. As in adults, it may occur again later in life. Depression often occurs at the same time as other physical illnesses. And because studies have shown that depression may precede more serious mental illness later in life, diagnosis, early treatment, and close monitoring are crucial.

A Parent's Perspective

As a parent, it is sometimes easier to deny that your child has depression. You may put off seeking the help of a mental healthcare professional because of the social stigmas associated with mental illness. It is very important for you -- as the parent -- to understand depression and realize the importance of treatment so that your child may continue to grow physically and emotionally in a healthy way. It is also important to seek education about the future effects depression may have on your child throughout adolescence and adulthood.

Parents should be particularly vigilant for signs that may indicate that their child is at risk for suicide.

Warning signs of suicidal behavior in children include:

* Many depressive symptoms (changes in eating, sleeping, activities)
* Social isolation
* Talk of suicide, hopelessness, or helplessness
* Increased acting-out behaviors (sexual/behavioral)
* Increased risk-taking behaviors
* Frequent accidents
* Substance abuse
* Focus on morbid and negative themes
* Talk about death and dying
* Increased crying and reduced emotional expression
* Giving away possessions


By Koh Mei Poh, T2

Quadruplet infecting each other with laughing virus

By Margaret Lim, T2