Although aggressive behavior such as hitting, screaming, and even biting is not seen as all that unusual from a child of one or two years of age, the same conduct in children merely a year or two older is often seen as cruel and problematic. Controlling feelings and emotions is, however, a learned skill and can be very difficult to master (even for some adults!).
Staying calm and collected not only requires a fair amount of self-control and discipline, but also a basic understanding of appropriate social behavior and morality. Most children under the age of five or six have a minimal comprehension of what exactly is socially acceptable, at least beyond pleasing Mom or Dad. Even then, some children may find it difficult to control their temper and yet there is often a difference between a child who is deceptively ‘acting out' (which is rare, and often due to an unstable or unsafe home environment) and one who is simply trying to be assertive.
The majority of children do not recognize their own strength or even the full consequences of their actions; and in a world where they are often being told what to do, where to go and how to behave, it does not seem all that unreasonable that they may sometimes need to speak out and be heard. Those school-aged children who continue to act obnoxiously or aggressively may have never experienced the opportunity of being truly listened to in a loving environment. Listening, on the part of parents involves not only hearing your children's jokes and laughter, but perhaps more importantly hearing about those hurt, angered and unhappy emotions as well. So often, children are not allowed to speak negatively, complain, or offer a difference of opinion and thus their feelings continue to build up until one day they may unintentionally vent or lash out. It is important to remember, however, that hearing your children out does not mean submitting to their every whim or desire.
Aside from releasing pent up emotions, children who behave aggressively may also do so because they have been rewarded for the conduct. Parents may have hoped to raise a child who is strong and able to stand up for him- or herself in rough situations. More commonly, parents may have inadvertently reinforced the aggressive behavior through attention. Indeed, even nagging or punishing children for acting aggressively can make it more likely that they will act that way in the future. Imagine, if you will, a child quietly piecing a puzzle together or even playing a video game. He/She has almost completed the puzzle/game but cannot get the final pieces/play to come together. Throughout this quiet half an hour the parent has been around but has said absolutely nothing. Nothing, that is until the child becomes obviously frustrated and throws the puzzle/game across the room and begins screaming or swearing loudly. At this point the parent intervenes by reprimanding the child and sending him/her to their room. It would appear that the parent has done everything appropriate in this situation, except for the fact that the only attention this child received during the time period was negative. If this is commonly the case, the child may begin to feel that any attention is better than no attention and as a result may continue to act out disruptively in daily activities. When dealing with aggressive children, it is worth the effort to praise even the smallest attempt at proper behavior, while paying very little if any attention to negative conduct. Praise can be a very strong motivator.
It is also important to remember that behavior can be very difficult to change and that it takes a lot of patience. Turning an aggressive child into a nonaggressive child will not happen overnight, and the odd outburst may even occur once the behavior has seemed to restore itself.
In dealing with aggressive children, regardless of their age, here are a few suggestions to consider:
KNOW THE TRIGGERS
Whether it be rush hour traffic or spilled juice, everyone has those things that really aggravate or irritate them, and children are no different. While they may not be as great at expressing what upsets them, things like a late meal, a missed soccer game, or even a forgotten bedtime story can really agitate children and make them angry. Knowing that your child becomes easily upset under certain circumstances allows parents or care-givers to avoid or work around these situations -- or at the very least, be prepared for them. It might be helpful to keep a journal to figure out what times of day or what occurs prior to each time your child becomes upset. If mornings are difficult for your child, perhaps allow them some extra time to wake up or do not ask a whole lot form them at this point in time. If not being allowed to purchase a toy from the store usually sends them into a tantrum, warn them ahead of time or if possible just leave them at home.
AVOID PHYSICAL PUNISHMENT
It can be very easy to become angered and even outraged at a misbehaving child, especially an older one who probably should know better. Just be cautious of how you express your feelings, because the children are always watching and learning from you. Yelling or hitting an already angered and destructive child seems only to up the anti. If you expect your children to act responsibly and calmly, be sure to do so yourself. And remember, even a ten or twelve year-old girl or boy is still a child. Children do not form intent the same way adults do and often have little desire to hurt or upset you. They merely need to express themselves and have not yet learned to do so in a socially acceptable manner.
KNOW YOUR CHILD'S TEMPERAMENT
Everyone is born with a unique temperament or personality. Some people tend to be more reserved or timid, while others are always outgoing and spontaneous. Similarly, some children tend to be more outwardly assertive and aggressive and others less so. Knowing your child's personality allows you the advantage of foresight. If your child does not do well with unexpected occurrences, try to keep his or her day routine. Use the insight.
BE A ROLE MODEL
This is perhaps the hardest part of being a parent or caregiver. Role-modeling your own behavior can be difficult even in the easiest of times, but particularly if arguing or fighting is a common occurrence in your household. Nevertheless, you should not expect from others that which you cannot put forth yourself. Even the odd volatile joke or sarcastic remark can be misinterpreted by children, so watch not only your actions but also your words. Being a role model not only involves controlling your own emotions, but also teaching your children how to express theirs — both good and bad— appropriately. Modeling support and compassion for others is an important beginning place, so you may want to volunteer some of your time. Simply bring your neighbor some fresh cut flowers or a fruit basket to say "hello". Visit sick children in the hospital. Work at the food bank with your children over the Christmas holidays. Be the kind of person that you would like your child to grow up to be.
EXPRESS YOURSELF
Along the same lines as being a role model, be sure to give your children the chance to see all of your own personal emotions. Modeling appropriate behavior should not be equated with hiding your feelings or fears from them. It is important for your children to see that you are also human, and that it is possible to have the esteem and self-control to act rationally even when feelings may not be.
REWARD GOOD BEHAVIOR
Although some parents may see rewards as a form of bardering or bribery, it does not have to be that extreme. It also can work really well for older children who in no other way seem to want to stop their aggressive tendencies. Offering your children well-deserved praise, a play at the park, or an opportunity to play at a friends house for proper conduct can work wonders. The key is to inform them of what is first expected, to reward them soon if not immediately after they obey, and to always withhold any and all rewards if they do not obey. So for example, if your child has made it through a shopping trip without any yelling, crying, or hitting, you may want to stop at the park with them on the way home as a thank you. Offering them the park the next day is already too late as it gives them the chance to act inappropriately in the mean time. For rewards to work effectively they also cannot be given to your children if they have not done what was expected of them. Toys can be used as well, but they are not advised and it is always best to start off small otherwise your child may be asking for things each and every time he or she behaves. The best kind of reward is praise. Children need to know their parents are proud of them.
STAY CALM
No matter how agitated, upset, or aggressive your child becomes, it is much easier for them to relax if you are also calm. Despite your own concern, do not try to rationalize with them until they have calmed down. Try sending them into their room, or if you have to take yourself out of the situation and stay in your own bedroom or bathroom. If they become overly violent or aggressive you may need to take drastic measures. Call the police if necessary, but stay calm. The more aggravated your child sees you become the more power he or she has gained over you and the more likely he will be to repeat the behavior.
UNCONCERNED CHILDREN
As a final note, if your child tends to be destructive often and does not seem to benefit from appropriate parental intervention, or actually seems to enjoy harming others, please seek professional advice.
Posted by Lim Sin Loong, T3
Monday, April 19, 2010
What is your child trying to say?
Parents can better understand what their children are saying when they are in tune with them, like singing a song along with a fine tuned musical instrument. When we think of parenting as being like the sound of music, we see that being in tune creates harmony, but when the instrument is out of tune with the song we sing, what we hear leaves us confused. In fact, being out of tune creates what becomes irritating to our ears and hard to hear. That’s when harmony is replaced with communication mistakes which create huge parenting headaches.HOW TO BE IN TUNE WITH WHAT CHILDREN THINK, SAY AND DO:1. Know why and when a child is saying,”I’m afraid.”
Understanding your child’s developmental stage and age is the best way to understand what they say by the way they behave. When we consider the process of child development, we will see why a child’s way to communicate can be confusing, especially within early childhood. What may seem obvious to you won’t make much sense to a child who can’t understand the logical reasons parents do what they do.
If the parent is out of tune or confused as to what goes through the mind of a three year-old child, they won’t understand why their child misbehaves or acts out. They’ll be out of tune with the way their child thinks when they leave the child with someone else and assume the child can understand they’ll eventually come back, but in fact, the child might be thinking, “Mommy and dad will never come back.” That’s when the child will have an anxiety attack that makes them mad, so the next thing you know, the day care is calling you to say, “Your child is misbehaving today, and in fact, he just hit and/or bit another kid.”
Parent’s who are in tune to their children’s developmental stage can see that when their child misbehaves, it usually means they are trying to say, “I’m afraid.” Being in tune with your child’s level of ability to comprehend the concept of object permanence will help you understand why your child gets mad and acts out when you’re out of sight. To get in tune with your child, you can then communicate with them and behave in ways that teach the child to see that just because you leave the room doesn’t mean you’ve abandoned them, but you still exist and you’ll come back into their view soon.
2. Listen to words never heard when a child is saying,”My needs are not being met.”Have you ever seen a child scream and throw a fit in public? If and when you do, you’ll see with your own eyes exactly what that child needs, but the parent often looks confused. They don’t seem to have a clue that their child is publically screaming, “I need you to discipline me.” When children aren’t provided with guidance on how to behave in socially pleasing ways, their socially inappropriate behavior says, “Please teach me how to behave in public.”Another way a child communicates an unmet need might be to get cranky and even mean when their need to eat and sleep at appropriate times are not met, due to the parent’s lack of time and the mess that comes from stress. With no sense of order or routine, children scream, cry, whine and get mean as a way to say, “Feed me please, and then, put me to bed so I can get some rest.”
Then again, there are endless ways children misbehave as a way to communicate with words never heard, but alarmingly seen when they begin to climb the walls, behave in obnoxious ways and throw a fit or two to say to you, “Pay attention to me please.”
3. Become in tune with your child’s mood to see if they’re saying, “I need a boost from you.”
When parents use their ears and eyes to become tuned into their child’s moods, they’ll see how to fine tune the keys a child needs for a healthy self esteem. Gloomy moods might be a child’s way to say, “I’m lonely and I don’t think anyone likes me.” Lashing out in frustration can be a way to say, “Someone bullied me today.” On the other hand, when a child isolates himself in his room, it could be that he is telling you, “I don’t fit in with other kids.” Being in tune with your child means you’ll see the unseen and read between the lines that children tend to hide behind. In other words, children need to be seen and heard to develop a sense of belonging and worth.
4. When teens behave in irrational ways, it’s a way to say,”I’m confused.”
Although your teen may be the size of an adult, their brains remain childish until the human mind can be completely developed with the maturity it takes to use their God given common sense. In the mean time, a teen will be confused while living within an adult size body and a child like mind at the same time. That’s why teens tend to do illogical things as a way to explain, “I’m confused and I don’t know what to do.” It’s as if they ask themselves every day, ” How do I think through my child like mind and behave as maturely as I appear to be?”This confusion is why parents of teens so often say, “My teen drives me insane,” and it’s also why teens complain all the time, “My parents don’t understand me.” Being tuned in with the confusing aspects of what it means to be a teen will help you clearly see what he or she is actually saying when they do those crazy things teens do, such as, “I still need you to guide my life.” Even though they look grown up, a teen is still a kid who needs a few boundaries and rules set by you, who has a mind that fits your body size.
5. By the way, children of any age behave in ways that say, “I need you to be pleased with me.”
The biggest mistake some parents make is when they pay more attention to the mistakes their children make, than to what their children do to pleas them. Although people say every day,”No news is good news,” that’s not true when it comes to parenting. Everything good a child says or does must be seen and acknowledged through the reinforcement of good news which comes from you. Praise goes a long way to make up for the fact that we sometimes miss what our kids are trying to say.
After all, when people are pleased and pleasing, they tend to create ways to communicate which sounds and feels like harmony. That’s why it’s wise to keep in mind that when it comes to a child’s need to please his or her parents, there’s no age or phase that makes the need to please obsolete, so look for the signs and behave accordingly. That’s when you’ll be more likely to see a sparkle in your children’s eyes and a smile on their face, which will be their way to say, “My parents are proud of me today.”
Posted by Lim Sin Loong, T3
Understanding your child’s developmental stage and age is the best way to understand what they say by the way they behave. When we consider the process of child development, we will see why a child’s way to communicate can be confusing, especially within early childhood. What may seem obvious to you won’t make much sense to a child who can’t understand the logical reasons parents do what they do.
If the parent is out of tune or confused as to what goes through the mind of a three year-old child, they won’t understand why their child misbehaves or acts out. They’ll be out of tune with the way their child thinks when they leave the child with someone else and assume the child can understand they’ll eventually come back, but in fact, the child might be thinking, “Mommy and dad will never come back.” That’s when the child will have an anxiety attack that makes them mad, so the next thing you know, the day care is calling you to say, “Your child is misbehaving today, and in fact, he just hit and/or bit another kid.”
Parent’s who are in tune to their children’s developmental stage can see that when their child misbehaves, it usually means they are trying to say, “I’m afraid.” Being in tune with your child’s level of ability to comprehend the concept of object permanence will help you understand why your child gets mad and acts out when you’re out of sight. To get in tune with your child, you can then communicate with them and behave in ways that teach the child to see that just because you leave the room doesn’t mean you’ve abandoned them, but you still exist and you’ll come back into their view soon.
2. Listen to words never heard when a child is saying,”My needs are not being met.”Have you ever seen a child scream and throw a fit in public? If and when you do, you’ll see with your own eyes exactly what that child needs, but the parent often looks confused. They don’t seem to have a clue that their child is publically screaming, “I need you to discipline me.” When children aren’t provided with guidance on how to behave in socially pleasing ways, their socially inappropriate behavior says, “Please teach me how to behave in public.”Another way a child communicates an unmet need might be to get cranky and even mean when their need to eat and sleep at appropriate times are not met, due to the parent’s lack of time and the mess that comes from stress. With no sense of order or routine, children scream, cry, whine and get mean as a way to say, “Feed me please, and then, put me to bed so I can get some rest.”
Then again, there are endless ways children misbehave as a way to communicate with words never heard, but alarmingly seen when they begin to climb the walls, behave in obnoxious ways and throw a fit or two to say to you, “Pay attention to me please.”
3. Become in tune with your child’s mood to see if they’re saying, “I need a boost from you.”
When parents use their ears and eyes to become tuned into their child’s moods, they’ll see how to fine tune the keys a child needs for a healthy self esteem. Gloomy moods might be a child’s way to say, “I’m lonely and I don’t think anyone likes me.” Lashing out in frustration can be a way to say, “Someone bullied me today.” On the other hand, when a child isolates himself in his room, it could be that he is telling you, “I don’t fit in with other kids.” Being in tune with your child means you’ll see the unseen and read between the lines that children tend to hide behind. In other words, children need to be seen and heard to develop a sense of belonging and worth.
4. When teens behave in irrational ways, it’s a way to say,”I’m confused.”
Although your teen may be the size of an adult, their brains remain childish until the human mind can be completely developed with the maturity it takes to use their God given common sense. In the mean time, a teen will be confused while living within an adult size body and a child like mind at the same time. That’s why teens tend to do illogical things as a way to explain, “I’m confused and I don’t know what to do.” It’s as if they ask themselves every day, ” How do I think through my child like mind and behave as maturely as I appear to be?”This confusion is why parents of teens so often say, “My teen drives me insane,” and it’s also why teens complain all the time, “My parents don’t understand me.” Being tuned in with the confusing aspects of what it means to be a teen will help you clearly see what he or she is actually saying when they do those crazy things teens do, such as, “I still need you to guide my life.” Even though they look grown up, a teen is still a kid who needs a few boundaries and rules set by you, who has a mind that fits your body size.
5. By the way, children of any age behave in ways that say, “I need you to be pleased with me.”
The biggest mistake some parents make is when they pay more attention to the mistakes their children make, than to what their children do to pleas them. Although people say every day,”No news is good news,” that’s not true when it comes to parenting. Everything good a child says or does must be seen and acknowledged through the reinforcement of good news which comes from you. Praise goes a long way to make up for the fact that we sometimes miss what our kids are trying to say.
After all, when people are pleased and pleasing, they tend to create ways to communicate which sounds and feels like harmony. That’s why it’s wise to keep in mind that when it comes to a child’s need to please his or her parents, there’s no age or phase that makes the need to please obsolete, so look for the signs and behave accordingly. That’s when you’ll be more likely to see a sparkle in your children’s eyes and a smile on their face, which will be their way to say, “My parents are proud of me today.”
Posted by Lim Sin Loong, T3
Why does a four year old still cry for Mommy?
In 1958 John Bowlby published a paper entitled The Nature of a Child's Tie to His Mother (Bowlby, J. (1958). The Nature of the Child's Tie to his Mother1. Int. J. Psycho-Anal., 39:350-373). With this paper, an understanding of humans called Attachment Theory was born. In the decades that followed this paper, research has demonstrated that the quality of attachment between mother and child predicts later functioning in many areas of life. The only time this attachment does not predict functioning is when kids take up with callous peers or when there is significant psychological trauma. In other words, a secure attachment is important but is not sufficient for well-being.
How can a parent tell if a child is securely attached?
Unfortunately secure attachment is a laboratory, not a life concept. The test for secure attachment can only be done by especially trained researchers/clinicians. Nonetheless, parents are often concerned that a number of childhood behaviors may indicate problems with attachment. I recently came across an example of this problem. A friend of mine has a four year old daughter who is very bright and generally happy. The child enjoys playing with her sisters and other children. She is not particularly anxious or fearful. However, this child does not like to be without her mother. At times, she cries at preschool because she wants Momma. The question is, "Does a four year old who cries for Momma have a disordered attachment or any other psychological problem?"
In our times, most women with 4 year old children are working full-time. We have little tolerance for four year olds who "act like babies" and cry for their parents. Therefore, it is convenient for us to label this behavior disordered and blame the child and not our lifestyles. Other than the desire to be with mom, my friend's child displays no sign of any psychological disorder. Thankfully, my friend is not working full-time and can be there for her daughter. However, my friend wonders if she should "give in" when her four year old yearns for her. In my view attachment specialists have failed because the field does not answer this question for the public. In fact, I would bet that if my friend took her daughter to 5 different specialists in the area, she would get five different answers. I will therefore provide my own opinion on this question.
Why does a four year old still cry for Mommy?
Attachment means one thing, that is a compulsion for proximity seeking. People who are attached seek to be near one another. Yes, attachment is a compulsion, a behavior we feel compelled to do. The attached person feels compelled to be near that special other. In normal young children, this compulsion is very strong and is the driving force behind much of what they do. This compulsion is also very important for psychological well-being. In fact, when it is absent, children are very disordered. Imagine the child who doesn't care whether his parents are around. That child is disordered! No one knows how much time in minutes/hours a child needs to be physically with his parents in order to have well-being. The answer is likely different for different children even of the same age.
During the preschool years, children also begin to develop what researchers call Self Regulation, an ability I have called impulse control. This ability enables a child to cope with all his many drives, compulsions and emotions. In the case of my friend, her daughter has not yet developed the impulse control necessary to cope with this very strong compulsion. We know that physical affection between parents and children strengthens the development of impulse control. We also know that helping a child understand and cope with his drives and emotions strengthens impulse control. Therefore, depriving a child of the contact he seeks will weaken NOT strengthen his impulse control. Rejecting a preschooler who wants us will likely impair his development and will weaken his sense of independence and competency. When parents require premature independence, children grow up with less impulse control and may be more vulnerable to developing ADHD.
But what if life circumstances make it impossible for mom to be there? In the case of the compulsion to be with mom, it is important not to require a child to exercise control over this impulse before he is ready. We don't want our children to develop the idea that wanting mom is a sign of weakness or something to be ashamed of. My advice is to have the child keep a picture of his mother with him at daycare or preschool. Staff should be instructed to have the child look at the picture when he misses mom. Staff can also say encouraging words like, "I know you miss your mom, she'll be here in just a little while, then you will be together." Staff can also help the child learn to use distraction to cope, "Let's draw a picture for your mom." "I know your mom wants you to try to have fun playing while you are here."
To sum it all up, many young children can adapt successfully to the demands of modern life. However, there are some vulnerable children for whom too much separation from parents may be harmful. Families have to be able provide for the special needs of these vulnerable children. This is the real meaning of putting the well-being of a child first in our lives.
Posted by Lim Sin Loong, T3
How can a parent tell if a child is securely attached?
Unfortunately secure attachment is a laboratory, not a life concept. The test for secure attachment can only be done by especially trained researchers/clinicians. Nonetheless, parents are often concerned that a number of childhood behaviors may indicate problems with attachment. I recently came across an example of this problem. A friend of mine has a four year old daughter who is very bright and generally happy. The child enjoys playing with her sisters and other children. She is not particularly anxious or fearful. However, this child does not like to be without her mother. At times, she cries at preschool because she wants Momma. The question is, "Does a four year old who cries for Momma have a disordered attachment or any other psychological problem?"
In our times, most women with 4 year old children are working full-time. We have little tolerance for four year olds who "act like babies" and cry for their parents. Therefore, it is convenient for us to label this behavior disordered and blame the child and not our lifestyles. Other than the desire to be with mom, my friend's child displays no sign of any psychological disorder. Thankfully, my friend is not working full-time and can be there for her daughter. However, my friend wonders if she should "give in" when her four year old yearns for her. In my view attachment specialists have failed because the field does not answer this question for the public. In fact, I would bet that if my friend took her daughter to 5 different specialists in the area, she would get five different answers. I will therefore provide my own opinion on this question.
Why does a four year old still cry for Mommy?
Attachment means one thing, that is a compulsion for proximity seeking. People who are attached seek to be near one another. Yes, attachment is a compulsion, a behavior we feel compelled to do. The attached person feels compelled to be near that special other. In normal young children, this compulsion is very strong and is the driving force behind much of what they do. This compulsion is also very important for psychological well-being. In fact, when it is absent, children are very disordered. Imagine the child who doesn't care whether his parents are around. That child is disordered! No one knows how much time in minutes/hours a child needs to be physically with his parents in order to have well-being. The answer is likely different for different children even of the same age.
During the preschool years, children also begin to develop what researchers call Self Regulation, an ability I have called impulse control. This ability enables a child to cope with all his many drives, compulsions and emotions. In the case of my friend, her daughter has not yet developed the impulse control necessary to cope with this very strong compulsion. We know that physical affection between parents and children strengthens the development of impulse control. We also know that helping a child understand and cope with his drives and emotions strengthens impulse control. Therefore, depriving a child of the contact he seeks will weaken NOT strengthen his impulse control. Rejecting a preschooler who wants us will likely impair his development and will weaken his sense of independence and competency. When parents require premature independence, children grow up with less impulse control and may be more vulnerable to developing ADHD.
But what if life circumstances make it impossible for mom to be there? In the case of the compulsion to be with mom, it is important not to require a child to exercise control over this impulse before he is ready. We don't want our children to develop the idea that wanting mom is a sign of weakness or something to be ashamed of. My advice is to have the child keep a picture of his mother with him at daycare or preschool. Staff should be instructed to have the child look at the picture when he misses mom. Staff can also say encouraging words like, "I know you miss your mom, she'll be here in just a little while, then you will be together." Staff can also help the child learn to use distraction to cope, "Let's draw a picture for your mom." "I know your mom wants you to try to have fun playing while you are here."
To sum it all up, many young children can adapt successfully to the demands of modern life. However, there are some vulnerable children for whom too much separation from parents may be harmful. Families have to be able provide for the special needs of these vulnerable children. This is the real meaning of putting the well-being of a child first in our lives.
Posted by Lim Sin Loong, T3
Don’t Stop Asking So Many Questions
Don’t Stop Asking So Many Questions
by CHRIS WIDERNER
A few years ago I took my boy on a trip that we make together every year. We left the house at 6 a.m. on Monday and got home at 9 p.m. on Thursday. That is just 87 hours.
A few years ago I took my boy on a trip that we make together every year. We left the house at 6 a.m. on Monday and got home at 9 p.m. on Thursday. That is just 87 hours.
However, that is 84,293 questions!
I mean, 10-year-old kids can ask questions! They are question machines! It was a virtual question-palooza! He wanted to know why we got up so early, why we chose that airline, when we would get there, what things meant in the books we were reading, how they got the jelly filling in the donuts, and on… and on… and on…. For four days!! Even my friend who drove us to the airport told my wife later that he asks a lot of questions, even at 6 a.m.!
I mean, 10-year-old kids can ask questions! They are question machines! It was a virtual question-palooza! He wanted to know why we got up so early, why we chose that airline, when we would get there, what things meant in the books we were reading, how they got the jelly filling in the donuts, and on… and on… and on…. For four days!! Even my friend who drove us to the airport told my wife later that he asks a lot of questions, even at 6 a.m.!
Anyway, you get the point.
I found myself repeatedly saying what thousands of you have said many times yourself, I’m sure:
Stop asking so many questions!
And then it hit me: This is why so many people lose their ability to achieve success. We tell them to stop asking so many questions. That’s right; we methodically strip our children of their innate inquisitiveness. And then when they get older we wonder why they don’t think for themselves! We told them to stop asking questions! They were born with a desire to understand the world around them and we, because of our frustration with the process, tell them to stop asking questions. What happens when you tell someone repeatedly to stop asking questions? They stop asking questions. It is a classic example of negative feedback and association.
I found myself repeatedly saying what thousands of you have said many times yourself, I’m sure:
Stop asking so many questions!
And then it hit me: This is why so many people lose their ability to achieve success. We tell them to stop asking so many questions. That’s right; we methodically strip our children of their innate inquisitiveness. And then when they get older we wonder why they don’t think for themselves! We told them to stop asking questions! They were born with a desire to understand the world around them and we, because of our frustration with the process, tell them to stop asking questions. What happens when you tell someone repeatedly to stop asking questions? They stop asking questions. It is a classic example of negative feedback and association.
The chances are high that it happened to you to some degree.
But being inquisitive is inherent to long-term success. We must constantly be asking questions of others and ourselves. We must relentlessly be questioning processes that we use. We must always question whether or not products can be improved.
But being inquisitive is inherent to long-term success. We must constantly be asking questions of others and ourselves. We must relentlessly be questioning processes that we use. We must always question whether or not products can be improved.
Questioning is what produces new answers, which leads us to break new ground.
Where does that leave us? Recommit yourself to asking lots of questions. Start by going through the basics: Who, what, when, where, why and how. Except, put “why” at the front of the list. Why? Because “why” gets behind the scenes more than the other questions do. “Why” deals with more than facts; it deals with motives and reasons.
Where does that leave us? Recommit yourself to asking lots of questions. Start by going through the basics: Who, what, when, where, why and how. Except, put “why” at the front of the list. Why? Because “why” gets behind the scenes more than the other questions do. “Why” deals with more than facts; it deals with motives and reasons.
“Why” can be very enlightening.
After all, “Why” is about 80 percent of all of the questions that kids ask, and if anybody knows how to ask questions, it’s kids. That is, if we let them.
So, as you live your life, let yourself ask lots of questions. Yes, people will wonder if you are a troublemaker, but you will know that you are pursuing enlightenment, knowledge, and the wisdom that will take you far beyond those
After all, “Why” is about 80 percent of all of the questions that kids ask, and if anybody knows how to ask questions, it’s kids. That is, if we let them.
So, as you live your life, let yourself ask lots of questions. Yes, people will wonder if you are a troublemaker, but you will know that you are pursuing enlightenment, knowledge, and the wisdom that will take you far beyond those
who choose to live as others tell them life shall be lived!
Don’t stop asking so many questions, and if you have kids at home, don’t stop them either!
Don’t stop asking so many questions, and if you have kids at home, don’t stop them either!
http://blog.success.com/experts/chris-widener/don%E2%80%99t-stop-asking-so-many-questions/
by Tan Yun Yi, T2
First Steps At Just Six Months
Published: 16 Feb 2010
The tot - who has just learnt to crawl - can walk 6ft unaided, something most one-year-olds struggle with.
THIS is baby Xavier King taking his first steps... at just SIX MONTHS old.
Parents Mary, 30, and David, 27, knew he was a fast learner when he sat up alone at three months.
But they were amazed when he started wobbling round their front room in Cambridge.
Mary said: "We couldn't believe it when he started putting one leg in front of the other.
"I can't leave him alone - I've had to buy a play pen so he doesn't get into mischief."
Child development experts say it is "extremely uncommon".
Consultant paediatrician Dr Martin Ward Platt said: "It brings forward the moment when parents need eyes in the back of their heads."
Posted by Tan Shi Sheng, T3
Munchausen Syndrome
A Look at the Devastating Affects of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy
Baron von Münchhausen was a notorious 18th century German baron, who came to attention due to his proclivity for causing himself harm in order to garner the sympathy and attention of others. His infamy outlived him, and his peculiar psychological disturbance earned him a place in history, when his disorder became known through out the world as Munchausen Syndrome. Sadly, an offshoot of the disorder, known as Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy, has since come to be recognized as a more sinister form of the condition.
Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy is a rare psychiatric disorder in which parents fabricate illnesses in their children, sometimes even going so far as to cause them physical harm and even death. As with Munchausen Syndrome, it is believed that, in most cases, perpetrators of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy are addicted to attention, particularly the sympathetic attention that the parent of a chronically ill child can garner.
Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy is far more common in mothers than in fathers. It is an extremely serious form of child abuse, which can have devastating affects on the health of the child or children of the afflicted parent. In some cases, the parent with Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy may make up symptoms in their child in order to continue taking the child in for medical attention. In more serious cases, the parent may actually cause the child harm in order to create actually conditions and illnesses that must then be treated. Even in cases where the parent reported fabricated symptoms, but did not actually harm the child, the damage can be irreversible when a perfectly healthy child becomes legitimately fragile, medically, due to invasive procedures performed to address medical problems that never existed in the first place.
Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy is an extremely insidious form of child abuse, which can often continue for years, or even indefinitely, without detection. It is rare that a child who is a victim of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy will understand what is happening to him or her. Often the abuse will have been occurring since before the child was developed enough to understand what was happening. Furthermore, a parent with Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy is often extremely close to the victimized child- the two may be the largest part of each other's worlds. The child will rarely suspect that it is the actions of Mom or Dad that are actually causing the harm.
The social and professional dynamics of the typical parent with Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy can also complicate the diagnostic picture for some healthcare professionals. More often than now, a parent with Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy is educated, well spoken, and appears to be a strong, passionate, well-researched advocate for the health of her child. A surprisingly high percentage of parents afflicted with Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy work in healthcare, with a disproportionately high number working as respiratory therapists. People working in healthcare, particularly those who work with patients hands-on, tend to know what makes an effective advocate, and what sorts of behaviors raise red flags. Many healthcare professionals who are also parents with Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy are extremely adept at advocating for the health of their children in a professional, caring, responsible manner.
Sadly, for this reason and others, the presence of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy in a parent can be incredibly difficult to detect, and even in cases where it is suspected, it can sometimes prove nearly impossible to substantiate. The gathering of important information that doctors need in order to formulate a theory about what is going on with their patients begins with the reporting of symptoms. For children, the most reliable reporter of those symptoms is usually thought to be the parents. Most physicians, nurses, social workers, and other healthcare personnel charged with the care of sick children will balk at accusing a parent of deliberately causing their child harm under potentially ambiguous circumstances. Often there is nothing more than a nontraditional path followed by the parents of a sick child or a gut feeling by a healthcare provider to suggest Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy.
Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy is child abuse, plain and simple. However, it is anything but a plain or simple form of child abuse. Children who are the victims of parents with the disorder rarely sustain broken limbs or bruised skin. Rather, they often find themselves embroiled in endless trails of doctor's appointments and unwarranted medical procedures. Determining the difference between a child who is medically complicated and a child who is the victim of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy is tricky for healthcare professionals. Calling in social workers to help to determine whenever there is concern about the possibility that a pediatric patient is the victim of his or her parents, is always a good idea.
source:http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/125419/munchausen_syndrome_by_proxy_the_cruelest_pg3.html?cat=70
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Theodore Kaczynski
He was an ordinary young child with high IQ on logical mathematics, a score of 167 overall. Well, at least many thought so. Before he turned, he had hives and was isolated in an
Subsequently he graduated at the age of 20. Soon, he became an assistant professor publicizing many works which are still used today.
Things took a turn when he started to move away to live in a wooden shack built by himself. He started building bombs in forms of mails and has killed numerous people including some of his universities’ colleagues. Subsequently in the 1990s, he was arrested and has be sentenced to life in prison without a possibility of a parole.
This story caught the attention of many psychologists in the past. Initially they studied his childhood to see if anything went wrong during his childhood and found out that despite having a high IQ, he had been ill for most of his life. Some part of his brain was not fully developed and was not stimulated properly. Some argued that he made a choice while many believed that he did it against his own will based on his testimonies while he was at prison.
Ted isn’t the only person who has a high IQ but would grow up to be socially rejected by the public. Among others are
1) Sufiah Yusof, Malaysian math prodigy who entered
2) John Nash, created a game equilibrium theory whom later has serious schizophrenia which distant him from his peers.
An observation
this is an a baby girl name Sophie was giving her commentary on why a little one was crying recently at our local greek festival
received from - yee shan
Ethical codes while researching children
There was once a study done by Philip Zimbardo on a group of teenagers in what is known as the Stanford Prison Study. That study resulted in serious mental disturbance among the participants and had to be called off before scheduled end of experiment. This study has raised many ethical issues. Imagine a child was to experience such a horrifying experience in which he/she will be scared mentally for life.
In this link, http://www.bera.ac.uk/files/2008/09/ethica1.pdf the author has drawn out an ethical guideline for education in dealing with children. Among the list is informed consent to the caretakers of the child, the right to withdraw at any given time of the study, incentives, privacy, disclosure, responsibility and acknowledgement.
It is a good guideline.
Shared by Syanon, T2
T2 Child Educational Programme Collection
Following are the TV Child Educational Programmes that had been presented by all of my T2 classmates.In my opinion, all of them rocks XD! So remember to watch ALL of them. Afterwards,please give your support and feel free to leave your comment!
PS:
1. If you would like to use/post/edit any of the videos, please seek permission from the owners.
2. I still lacking of the video from Group 2, will upload it soon.
3. Turn on your volume for the best effect!
Group 1: T-Kids
Presented by:
Ong Luei Haw, Peh Boon Kuan, Syanon Munning and Tan Yun Yi.
Group 3: Fun Learning_Part 1
Group 3: Fun Learning_Part 2
Presented by:
Lee Meau Hui, Margaret Lim, Ngiam Xi Wen, Tan Lay Ting
Group 4: Protect Yourself_Part 1
Youtube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0r25WnBa-oA
Group 4: Protect Yourself_Part 2
Youtube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BW7wYZg7rU
Group 4: Protect Yourself_Part 3
Youtube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMXFLw31qDA
*Audio been disabled D:
Group 4: Protect Yourself_Part 4
Youtube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XwY2AGDRJRU
Presented by:
Hor Siaw Jiun, Koh Mei Poh, Leong Wee Hao, Soo Wai Mun and Yeo Li Sa.
Group 5: Kid's Fun Time Part 1
Group 5: Kid's Fun Time Part 2
Presented by:
Fong Khai Yan, Ho Khee Hoong, T'ng Soo Ting and Yap Peck Shing.
Posted by, Hor Siaw Jiun, class rep of T2.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Parenting Styles
Here is a clip about different parenting style
which related to our lecture today
^^
Happy weekend guys!!!
Friday, April 16, 2010
ways to calm babies
1st: Hairdryer
2nd: Rhythmic Sound
3rd: Frequent Sound Using Water
These three videos all shared the similarity which is using frequent voice to calm those babies. It is believed that babies feeling insecure while they exposed to the outside world after being in womb for 9 months time.
While they staying in placenta, the flowing of amnion fluid sound makes the baby used to the environment they being in, which has been calm the babies. They feel secure while hearing back the similar frequency sound.
Lastly attached one more video to cheer you guys up :)
by Keah Mei Sian
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