Middle Child Syndrome

Middle child syndrome, from the name it is quite obvious that it is a syndrome that generally affects the middle child. Instead of getting into the details of it here, you rather check in to the article and learn all about it.


Remember Stephanie Tanner from the hit SitCom "Full House"? Remember her several issues with "always being in between!" Well, that is a glimpse (a very tiny glimpse) of middle child syndrome for you. Without a doubt, in reality the syndrome can get much worse. So, how does a parent know that their little angel is suffering from a syndrome simply because of the birth order? A lot of questions that need answering, let's take them one at a time.

Middle Child Syndrome Characteristics
What is middle child syndrome? Let's understand the basic concept of middle child syndrome. What does the term entail? What are the middle child syndrome symptoms?

• The first being that this child will neither be the oldest out of the siblings, nor the youngest. He will be in between.
• The child will not be a leader of sorts. He will prefer to follow the trends.
• The child will lack a specific focus, or drive.
• He will have very very few friends. Mingling with people won't come very easily to him.
• Relationships won't really be his forte. In fact he will try to shy away from it as far as possible. If he does get into one, it will not last long due to his lack of interest.
• He will be fairly shy. He will try to go unnoticed and stay out of the radar. Nonetheless, he will do enough to keep the ball rolling.
• He will be quite artistic and creative.
• If given direction, and a little egging, he can achieve well in the field of art and literature.
• He will hate doing monotonous work. Things should have a certain degree of novelty to catch his interest.
• He will not be able to perform under pressure, at all!!

Yes, not all is bad about the middle child syndrome. However, it is very important to make sure that it is avoided as far as possible. The positive characteristics of middle child syndrome can be seen in a middle child even if he is not suffering from MDS.

The Effects of Middle Child Syndrome
Now, before you go around thinking that every middle child has middle child syndrome, let me tell you that it is not true. Many children don't experience it, because as a part of their nature they are more accepting to different situations. However, in case a child is a victim of middle child syndrome, these are the effects that it would have on the general psyche of the child. Instead of going about in the normal point form, here are a few scenarios to help you understand middle child syndrome psychology better.

Middle Child Syndrome: Case 1
Jeremy was the middle child in the family. He had an older brother and a younger sister. He loved both his siblings dearly. He adored his parents as well. But, that was when everything was normal. However, he was not the school quarter back, his brother was. In fact, Jeremy was not interested in sports at all. He loved reading and had a flair for language. But, this parents were used to his older brother Dave, being out for practices and dates with the cheerleaders and expected the same from him. They often told him that he should participate in sports and didn't understand how he could not be interested in them. This made him resent sports even more. Whenever his parents went out, he was responsible to babysit his sister Kiera. He did not mind it in the start, but when it became a regular affair, he started vent his frustration on his sister. This created a further rift in the siblings and eventually, Jeremy was left with a feeling of being left out!

Middle Child Syndrome: Case 2
Rachel, Smith and Annabelle were siblings. Smith was the middle child. He loved his sisters and loved spending time with them. However, he often felt left out because they were girls and he was a boy. Due to such proximity with girls, Smith was very used to playing with dolls rather than cars. But, he could never let anyone know that for the fear of being ragged. His parents never really treated the three siblings differently. But due to the Middle Child Syndrome he found himself frustrated with the concept of always having to be dropped and picked up to and from school by his super hot older sister. He lost his confidence and found himself and his family giving more importance to Annabelle's teenage issues than his.

Middle Child Syndrome: Case 3
David, Jonathan and Andrew are brothers. They are adults now and Jonathan is the middle child. Jonathan has had middle child syndrome and is suffering from middle child syndrome in adulthood. As a normal victim of middle child syndrome in adults Jonathan has grown up a little distant from his brothers. Jonathan met his girlfriend in David's wedding. But, in his engagement party, he did not expect Andrew to also meet the love of his life. Jonathan felt that Andrew did it on purpose and lost all the interest in the day. Jonathan always felt that he had to try harder to get noticed. This affected his love life as well. He always thinks that he cannot ever be good enough for his parents, and pushes his fiancee in the same direction. To prove his worth, Jonathan hosts the family dinners on a weekly basis, and gets deeply hurt when someone does not show up.

As all the cases above have shown, middle child syndrome is just the child's mind over reacting and wrongly perceiving actions of the family. This makes them lose confidence and get more insecure. Read more on family relationships.

How to Prevent Middle Child Syndrome
Middle child syndrome can have a lot of negative impacts on the mindset and the lifestyle, as well as the relationships of the child. Treating can get a little tough once it goes to an extreme stage, as always, prevention is better than cure. Here are ways you can prevent middle child syndrome.

• The first step is to be aware of the syndrome. Denying it will only make things worse. Another thing you need to admit is that your child may have it. However, having MDC does not make the child mentally unstable, so, do not put the child down about that.
• Do not keep the behavior same for all the children. Children always need something unique from their parents. Something that they give no one else. So always have something unique in the way you let each child know you love them.
• If your child is showing an unusual need to be held and loved, give in to that need. Children don't always let the parents know of things that are bothering them. But, one loving hug and kiss on the head from you may help them out after all.
• Don't compare your children. It is important that parents realize that not all children are the same. They will have their differences, different strengths and different weaknesses. Acknowledge the differences and love the children for what they are individually. If you compare them, they may start developing an inferiority complex.
• Never take sides and don't play favorites. The one you shower with the favoritism may benefit, but the others will feel less loved by you. If the children are in a fight, step in and stop the fight, but don't take sides. Tell them both that it is wrong to fight and that no justification matters.
• Encourage the children to do what they want to do. Do not let them give in to peer pressure, or sibling pressure. It is important that you cheer them on when they feel low about being different about something and support them for all their choices.
• Use endearing words for children at all times. Even in your anger, do not vent it out on any of the children. If they are wrong, correct them with as much endearment as possible.
• Be patient. Children are still learning the ropes of life that you have mastered. They may take longer. So be patient and help them as much as possible. Nonetheless, let them also fall, bruise and learn their lessons on their own, to an extent.

All these steps, as a part of a lifestyle, will help you keep middle child syndrome at bay. More so, it is just a better way of raising kids.

This is a very sensitive topic and any mistakes on this front could probably affect your child's life in a negative way. Beat the poison of middle child syndrome with the elixir of love, affection and understanding. This is where I sign off!! All the best!!

Adapted from : http://www.buzzle.com/articles/middle-child-syndrome.html

PS : Therefore, parents should also pay more attention to middle child and not just always pay attention to the eldest child or the youngest child only.

BY : Lee Meau Hui

When Is Spanking Child Abuse?

by Lisa Belkin

A hearing is underway in a Wisconsin courtroom, for Barry Barnett, a 43-year-old pastor. He and the state department of social services both agree that the father of nine and minister at the Lighthouse Family Ministries in Poynette, Wisc., used a wooden paddle to punish his 12-year-old son for lying last spring. But they differ on whether that paddling, which left bruises on the boy, was child abuse.

The son has testified — that his father hit him twice; that they both cried during the paddling; that the two “swats” hurt “a little”; that he loves his father and feels safe at home; and that he understands why he was hit. “You should not lie to you parents,” he said.

The ER where the boy was treated submitted a report to the court — showing that the there were faint bruises on his buttocks but no swelling and that he was in no pain.

The district attorney argued that Mr. Barnett “went beyond reasonable discipline and it’s a pattern.”

The boy’s 21-year-old sister stood outside the courthouse holding a sign that said “Thank you for spanking me Dad.”

Spanking, which has never really gone away in many parts, is back in the news. Sometimes it is still the schools doing the hitting. This summer, the Human Rights Watch and the American Civil Liberties Union issued a joint report, estimating that more than 200,000 children were spanked at American schools during the previous school year. (Corporal punishment in school is still legal in 21 states.)

Sometimes it is the parents. Alan E, Kazdin, director the Parenting Center and Child Conduct Clinic at Yale, where he is a professor of child psychology, wrote in Slate late last month, that “Despite the rise of the timeout and other nonphysical forms of punishment, most American parents hit, pinch, shake, or otherwise lay violent hands on their youngsters: 63 percent of parents physically discipline their 1-to 2-year-olds, and 85 percent of adolescents have been physically punished by their parents.”

Is it legal? In the United States, yes. While the United Nations has set a target date of 2009 to end corporal punishment by parents, and while 23 countries have already banned hitting kids, the United States is not one of them. All states prohibit “abuse” of children, and some specifically prohibit the use of “unreasonable force,” against children, which is what Barnett is accused of doing.

Isn’t all hitting child abuse? That’s what the hearing in Wisconsin is trying to decide. But however it starts, warns Kazdin, who is also the author of “The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child, it usually escalates.

“More than one-third of all parents who start out with relatively mild punishments end up crossing the line drawn by the state to define child abuse: hitting with an object, harsh and cruel hitting, and so on,” he writes. “Children, endowed with wonderful flexibility and ability to learn, typically adapt to punishment faster than parents can escalate it, which helps encourage a little hitting to lead to a lot of hitting.”

The message that has not gotten through, say those who are trying to spread the word, is that spanking doesn’t work. Six years ago the psychologist Elizabeth Thompson Gershoff, then at Columbia University, published a review of 62 years of research, analyzing 82 separate studies. And while there was a lot of evidence that spanking makes children do what they are told in the very short term, it seems only to teach children not to get caught. What it doesn’t do is teach them to do better.

I can’t imagine using spanking as a deliberate and proscribed punishment. I have, however, hit my boys a small handful of times, in white-hot anger. They were already stronger than I was, and practically taller than I was, so I didn’t really have the power to physically hurt them. Yet I still cringe at the memory of my own loss of control, of the knowledge of what that could mean in a stronger parent with a smaller child.

We tell our children “do not hit.” Shouldn’t we all practice as we preach?

Adapted from :
http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/10/21/when-is-spanking-child-abuse/

@Credits to : Erin Yap Peck Shing

When Big Brothers Bully

Highly critical parents and older siblings can have a negative effect on the self-esteem on the younger children in the family.

By Megan Olden, published on May 01, 2003 - last reviewed on April 10, 2007

Sibling animosity may be a universal truth, but that doesn't mean it is well understood. In a first attempt to link behavioral problems in early adulthood to the relationship with a brother or sister, researchers found that boys with older siblings who were critical of them were more likely to be arrested or to abuse drugs and alcohol.

In the study, 20-year-old boys with older siblings who had negative attitudes toward them were also more likely to associate with deviant peers and have sexual intercourse at a younger age than were boys with noncritical siblings. They exhibited the same antisocial behavior two years later.

The study, published in the Journal of Family Psychology (2003), required 73 men and women to describe their relationship with a younger brother. These findings do not imply that criticism causes deviance: Indeed, the siblings could have been highly critical because their brothers' behavior was problematic. But they do illustrate the potentially harmful impact of sibling interaction, says Bernadette Bullock, Ph.D., a research scientist at the University of Oregon's Child and Family Center and co-author of the study."Sibling influence is part of an ongoing multidirectional dynamic," says Bullock. The relationship is in turn influenced by parental attitudes and each child's temperament.

Jeanne Safer, Ph.D., a psychoanalyst and author of The Normal One: Life With a Difficult or Damaged Sibling, agrees: "How siblings relate to one another very often has to do with how the parents see the siblings and create the relationship between them."

Researchers including Bullock are now exploring the associations between parental and sibling attitudes, including the possibility of a contagion effect, in which the opinions of one family member affect the perceptions of others in the home.

Adapted from :

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200303/when-big-brothers-bully

Top Strategies for Handling a Bully

Note : i bet everyone or most people face bullies when you're in school. at least once lol.. well i do.. ;D

Bullies are made, not born : Here's how to handle them.

By Hara Estroff Marano

Bullies are made and not born. Here are over two-dozen research-based strategies for helping kids deal with bullying.

What Children Can Do:

1. A wise line of defense is avoidance. Know when to walk away. It is thoroughly adaptive behavior to avoid a bully. Being picked on is not character-building.
2. Use humor to defuse a bully who may be about to attack. Make a joke: "Look, Johnny, lay off. I don't want you to be late for school."
3. Or tell the bully assertively, "Get a life. Leave me alone." And walk away. This may be the best defense for girls.
4. Recruit a friend. Observers find that having a friend on the playground is one of the most powerful protectives, especially for boys.
5. In general, seek out the friendly children and build friendships with them.

What Parents Can Do:

• See that your child has a grounding in assertive behavior. The real first line of defense against a bully is self-confidence.
• Spread the word that bullying is bad for bullies.
• Ask your children how peers treat them. Children often are ashamed to bring up the subject. Parents must.
• Enroll your child in a social-skills group where children learn and practice skills in different situations.
• Model good relationships at home. Help siblings get along.
• Increase the social opportunities of all kids, but especially victimized ones. Invite other children, and groups of children, over to the house. Encourage sleepovers. This is your job; parents are social engineers.
• Enroll your child in classes or groups that develop competencies in activities that are valued by peers. Even kids who don't love sports may like karate, tae kwon do, and similar activities.
• Shut off the TV: much programming reinforces the idea that aggression is the only way to deal with conflicts.
• Empathy helps. Instill in all kids a sense of the distress that a victim experiences.
• Help your child come up with a set of clever verbal comebacks to be used in the event of victimization by verbally abusive peers.
• See that kids in groups have plenty of things to do. Provide play materials. Buy a soccer ball. Paint a hopscotch pattern on the sidewalk. Bullying flourishes when kids are together and have nothing else to do.
• Do not tell or teach a kid to fight back. Fighting back is the worst defense. In most instances, victimized children really are weaker and smaller than the bully-thus their fears of losing their fights may be quite real. Besides, not all bullying takes the form of physical aggression. Counter-aggression to any form of bullying actually increases the likelihood of continued victimization. (lol.. that's what my mom taught me! now i know why it didn't worked out back then xD)
• Do not expect kids to work it out on their own. Bullying is not a simply a problem of individuals. Given the influence of the peer groups and reputational factors in maintaining the behavior of bullies and victims, it is extremely unrealistic to expect kids to alter the dynamics of bullying by themselves.
• Always intervene. Adults have a crucial role to play in the socialization of children. And consistency counts. Any time adults do not intervene they are essentially training others to solve problems through aggression.
• Intervene at the level of the group. Let all kids know bullying is not OK. Declare emphatically: "This is not acceptable behavior. You can't do this here."
• Talk to your child's teachers to find out what is normal behavior for children of that age group and to find out the class atmosphere is like.
• Talk to other parents; where there's one victimized child there are likely to be others.
• Get the school involved. At the very least, ask that the school declare bullying off-limits. A change in the atmosphere of the school is not only possible, but helpful in reducing bullying.
• Go to the school administration and demand that bullies be transferred to other classes or schools. Every child has the right to a safe school environment.
• If all else fails, see that your child is transferred to another school. The same child may thrive in a different school with a group of children having different values.

For a complete dicussion on bullies and how to handle them see Big, Bad, Bully.

Adapted from :

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/brainstorm/201003/top-strategies-handling-bully

Cute on the Brain

Baby faces light up reward centers of our brains.

by Carlin Flora.

Any infant left on a doorstep can safely bet that whoever finds her will be compelled to protect her. Nature cleverly designed babies to be super cute: They would be too much of a drag to care for otherwise.

As zoologist Konrad Lorenz first pointed out, we adults seem to respond favorably to the typical infant facial structure—disproportionately large heads and eyes, small noses, and chubby cheeks (modeled here by my delightful neighbor.)

A new study out of the University of Oxford used brain imaging to reveal a glimpse of the biological basis of our collective cooing over babies: Morten Kringelbach and Alan Stein showed that a brain region associated with our emotional responses to rewarding stimuli lights up within a mere seventh of a second in response to pictures of babies, but not in response to shots of adults.

Another recent brain imaging study published in Biological Psychiatry shows how mothers' brains light up differently in response to images of their own babies crying and laughing than to images of other peoples' babies. While we're all predisposed to feel warm and loving toward infants, each one has a particularly vigilant advocate in his or her mother.

These discoveries could eventually help researchers treat mothers who have trouble responding to their infants' cues, including those who suffer from postpartum depression, which affects about 13 percent of new moms.

As we've covered here, grown-ups who never outgrow that babyish look keep eliciting protective responses from others. Leslie Zebrowitz, professor of psychology at Brandeis University and expert on snap judgments, has shown that baby-faced men are seen as innocent and weak. Some, such as Eminem, compensate by building up tough-guy images.

A baby who responds with a smile or laugh is even more captivating than one who simply looks cute. Which is why I can't resist wrapping up with this tape of a hysterical Swedish tyke:

Adapted from : http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/brainstorm/200803/cute-the-brain

Preparing your child for new sibling

7 February 2010

By Dr GOH CHEE LEONG

THE arrival of another baby is great news to you and your spouse. To the both of you, this new addition represents more happiness and joy, but to your first child, this may bring about a lot of uncertainties.

Some children may feel abandoned now that they are no longer the centre of attention and regress to an earlier stage where they are more dependent on their parents. Others may delight in the role of an older sibling and welcome the new arrival joyously.

There is no way to tell how your child might react as he or she may be dealing with a wide range of emotions. However, as parents, you want things to run smoothly between your older child and his new younger sibling. Therefore, it is essential for you to know what you can do to maintain harmony between the siblings.

Planning ahead

Preparation is key. Your child will probably need some time to adapt to the idea that he or she is no longer the only child in the family. Also, your child will probably take a while to adjust to the changes that will occur. So, the sooner your older child knows about the arrival of his new sibling, the more time you will have to help him prepare for the new sibling. To help your child adjust, ensure that before the baby arrives, you:

·Inform him about his new sibling. The earlier you let him know, the more time you have to prepare him for the arrival of the new sibling. This will also be an excellent opportunity for you to talk to him and excite him about his new role. Encourage him to ask questions and use the questions as a guide to help you clarify his doubts.

While you may have fully prepared your older child before the birth of your new baby, his behaviour may change drastically when the baby arrives. – AFP

·Involve him in preparations to welcome the new baby. You may decorate the newborn’s room together and pick potential baby names together. Make him feel like part of the process.

Most importantly, involving him also sends the message that he is and will always be part of the family and the addition of a new baby will not “demote” his position in the family.

·Share your experience with him. Talk to your toddler about how he was when he was a baby and how proud you are of how much he has accomplished since then. You may also bring him along to your monthly check-ups. This gives him the opportunity to learn about and witness the progression of his new sibling. You would be surprised how the sound of the foetal heartbeat can excite your child and change his feelings.

·Explain to him what will happen when the new baby arrives. Let them know beforehand that you may be tired most of the time and the baby will most probably be the centre of attention because he requires extra care. Also, let him know that the baby will not do much at first except eat, sleep, and cry. Giving him a realistic idea will reduce the shock when it happens.

The arrival!

While you may have fully prepared your older child before the birth of your new baby, his behavior may change drastically when the baby arrives. This is common, as children do not know how to control their feelings or articulate their thoughts accurately yet.

Thus, when he sees that his family members are paying more attention to the new baby instead of him, he may act out in such a way that demands your notice. Don’t fret, as your child just needs some time to adjust.

·Let him be mommy’s helper. Get him involved in the care of your new arrival. For instance, ask him to hand you the diapers while you are changing the baby or keep an eye on the baby whilst you use the bathroom. His involvement will make him feel that he still matters to you.

·Ask for his opinion. Ease him into the older brother or sister role by having him help you make decisions about the baby. For example, when choosing outfits for the new baby, let him choose what colour he wants his baby brother or sister to wear.

·Listen to his feelings. Your older child will get frustrated at times, especially when you are unable to spend time with him (eg when you’re nursing your baby but he wants to play cars with you). When a situation like that occurs, acknowledge his feelings. Let him know that you are aware of his disappointment, and that you want to make it up to him later.

·Spend one-on-one time. When your baby is sleeping, spend time with your older child. In fact, let your partner or a family member take care of the baby if you need to. Spending one-on-one time will make him feel special and loved and also give you the opportunity to watch your toddler grow.

·Praise him. Shower your older child with praises each time you see him showing interest in his younger sibling or when he helps you take care of the baby. Believe it or not, praises that come with hugs and kisses can go a long way. However, while positive reinforcement is good, don’t overdo it. You do not want him to think that your love is dependent on how much he loves his younger sibling.

Don’t push the baby on him

If your child does not want to get involved with the baby, do not be alarmed. It is common for him to be feeling this way. The “ignoring the baby” phase is usually temporary. Therefore, it is best not to force your child to be involved. He will come around in time.

Undeniably, having a new member in the family will be one of the first and biggest changes in your firstborn’s young life. Not only will there be an additional person in the house, the balance and routine that your firstborn is familiar with will be disrupted. So, be patient as your little one figures out his “new” life and always remember to show him that he is loved and needed in the family.

Dr Goh Chee Leong is a psychologist. This article is courtesy of the Malaysian Paediatric Association’s Positive Parenting Programme. The information provided is for educational and communication purposes only and it should not be construed as personal medical advice. Information published in this article is not intended to replace, supplant or augment a consultation with a health professional regarding the reader’s own medical care. The Star does not give any warranty on accuracy, completeness, functionality, usefulness or other assurances as to the content appearing in this column. The Star disclaims all responsibility for any losses, damage to property or personal injury suffered directly or indirectly from reliance on such information.

Source : http://parenthots.com/features/Preparing-your-child-for-a-new-sibling.aspx

@Credits to : Peh Boon Kuan, T2

Dr. Spock

Nature, Nurture, and Handedness

by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P.
reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P.



We're used to thinking of human characteristics as either inherited or learned--in other words, the old "nature vs. nurture" controversy. Unfortunately, for many of the characteristics that matter most--such as temperament and personality, and physical, artistic, and intellectual abilities--the best explanation is a complex mixture of both.

In the case of handedness, the nature-nurture controversy isn't just academic. If handedness is learned, then it can be unlearned. That line of thinking would support teaching all children to use their right hands, even though the left might feel more comfortable. But if handedness is inherited, then trying to change a child's preference might be seen as going against nature.

Neither a wholly genetic nor a learning-based explanation fits for handedness. Here are some of the facts, and what they mean.

Handedness runs in families. If both parents are right-handed, 92 to 96 percent of their children will be right-handed, too. If both parents are left-handed, 45 to 50 percent of their children will be left-handed (which also means that roughly half will still be right-handed). When one parent is a lefty and the other a righty, about 80 percent of their children will be right-handed. All of the above fits nicely with a genetic explanation.


Of course, the fact that handedness runs in families could be explained by learning. Since most people in society are right-handed, right-handed parents would have an easy time teaching their children to be right-handed. Left-handed parents would be working against the tide, and so a greater percentage of children would turn out right-handed, despite their parents' efforts. But what the learning explanation can't explain is why any children of right-handed parents would turn out to be left-handed! Also, very young infants show left- or right-sided preferences (see How Handedness Develops in Infants) that are related to their eventual handedness. It's hard to imagine that parents are teaching their children these things.


Among adopted children, the patterns of handedness are related to their biological parents, not their adoptive ones--more strong support for a genetic cause.


On the other hand, the evidence from studies of twins goes against genetics. Identical twins, who develop from a single egg, share the same genes. Fraternal twins, who develop from two different eggs, have about half of their genes in common. If genes were directly responsible for handedness, you'd expect identical twins to always have the same handedness--both being either right-handed or left-handed. You would think that fraternal twins, however, would only have the same likelihood of handedness as any other siblings.

In fact, the number of pairs where one twin is left-handed and the other right is about 20 to 30 percent regardless of whether they're identical or not. To further complicate the matter, there is controversy about a possible connection between left-handedness and twinning (which I won't get into!), but that doesn't change the fact that straightforward genetics can't account for how identical twins can be so different when it comes to handedness.
Making sense of the puzzle
There are lots of theories about how genes and learning or other influences might combine to produce these patterns of handedness. The one that makes the most sense to me is that most people carry a gene that increases the chance that they will be right-handed. Those children who have a full dose of the gene (that is, they inherited it from both parents), are very likely to be right-handed, but still have some small chance of ending up left-handed. Those who don't have the gene at all are about equally likely to develop as left-handed or right-handed. Those who have a half dose of the gene (say, from their mother but not their father) have better than average odds of becoming right-handed, although a small chance still remains that they'll develop into left-handers.

This theory can explain how two left-handed parents can have a right-handed child, and how two right-handed parents can have a left-handed child, and also why twins with identical genes could develop different handedness. We're not used to thinking about things happening just by chance, but that is probably how a lot of development comes about.

What it means for parents
Learning probably plays only a small role in handedness. It may be possible to teach some left-handed children to act as right-handers (or at least to write with their right hands), but the process is bound to be difficult and may not offer any real benefits.



Credit to Chin Yee Jah, T5

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